What’s in a Name?

Posted on February 24, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Baby naming is a dangerous business. Everyone wants in on it. Everyone is an expert. When people meet Piper, they either love or hate the name. The first time I took her to meet our pediatrician he said, “What? You named her Pepper?” He declared her a healthy baby with insane parents.

There are many versions to the story of how Piper became a Piper. I’ll share a few in the next coming blogs, but here is an article I wrote for Mothering Magazine when I was pregnant with Piper about the perils of baby naming.

http://www.mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/baby-naming-101

For Sissy’s version of the naming of Piper, read this. Stay tuned for more.

Careless Whispers

Posted on February 23, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

At dinner last night Sissy reminded us that we hadn’t decided on our family Lenten sacrifice. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, so the clock was ticking. I’m pretty sure Sissy has wings hidden on her back somewhere. Here is the brainstorming session verbatim.

Sissy: TV? We could all give up TV.

Piper: NOOOOO.

Dad: How about beer and chocolate? I’d be willing to abstain from those for 40 days.

Me: That totally doesn’t count. You’re allergic to those things, and I’m not giving them up.

Sissy: I know something that would really hurt? Our glasses.

Dad: But we’d all be blind. We all wear glasses.

Me: Good point. That might cause more harm than good.

Piper: How about board games? We could give those up. We waste half the night playing those things.

Sissy: True, but I’d miss family board games.

Dad: A lot of people give up meat for Lent.

Sissy: So we have to give up tofu?

Piper: We’d STARVE!

Dad: I’ve got it. I’d be willing to give up underwear. Just think of all the laundry we’d save.

Me: No. Just no.

Piper: Gross.

Sissy: Eww.

Dad: How about mean words?

Me: It’s a great idea. We could all work on not saying mean words to each other.

Piper: What if I forget?

Me: How about we all say three nice things to make up for the one mean word?

Sissy: We’re going to need a poster. I’ll make a poster. Can I make a poster?

Dad: Sure.

Piper: Wait. Let me ask one question. Are potty words considered mean words? What if I whisper mean words and no one hears me? Does that count?

This might be a rough forty days. I’ll keep you posted.

Darth Vader Brings Home the Bacon and Fries It Up in a Pan

Posted on February 22, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Piper and our current invasion of chipettes proudly delivered this to me this morning:

Remember the great allowance debate? Piper’s been saving her dollars and picking up loose change with her trash. Remember that $5 bill that Grandma and Grandpa sent for Valentine’s Day? It adds up and eventually my if-you-want-a-lalaloopsy-so-bad-save-your-money-and-buy-it-yourself speech comes back to haunt me. She’s been begging for a lalaloopsy. It’s hard business not giving in to her demands. It’s not just her soft brown eyes and the gut punch you feel when a usually joyous Piper has a quivering lip. It’s that a Piper is relentless. She beats you down. She makes you count her change daily and google the lalaloopsy sale prices. When Piper wants something, just call it a day.

So, off we went to the store with a box full of money hoping for a hard-earned lesson. Piper was patient while I did the other shopping. She was gracious standing in line to pay with her own money for the first time. She was proud of herself. We headed home with our heads held high to introduce Berry Lalaloopsy (she’s the $11.48 variety) to the rest of our family. She made friends immediately.

Then she sat down on a stool and watched her man make her dinner.

Piper may have learned even more than I bargained for.

Snow Falling from Sissy

Posted on February 21, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Sissy was in charge today. It was a holiday from school, so my partner and I split teams. I had to teach, so he worked from home. Piper and Sissy came up with their own idea of fun. It’s called an agenda:

Be still my Virgo heart. Look at that tight scheduling. Makes this neurotic mama proud. See, fun can be organized? Who needs spontaneity? Mixing up your chores with puzzles is a win-win. How else are you supposed to remember to pick up after playing daycare unless you include “pickup” as part of the activity? I think Sissy may have already discovered the intoxicating pen stroke of crossing off a task from your to-do list.

When I came home from work, I was met with a full report. The siblings got along swimmingly. Apparently, only squabbles occur when the parental units are present. We’re clearly the problem. Piper’s assessment was bit more postmodern.

“I like it when Sissy reads better.”

“How come, Piper?”

“When Daddy reads it sound like thunder. Mommy uses a mouse dream voice and everything always turns out okay.”

“And Sissy?”

“When Sissy reads it’s like snow falling.”

Potty Parties and Do-overs

Posted on February 20, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

According to the dictionary (I’m giggling because I just read many college student essays that began in this pitiful way), a do-over is a noun that allows “a change to redo an action” and alludes to “going back in time.” We need many do-overs in this house. In fact, we all need more do-overs in life. This morning was no exception.

Piper likes company in the potty. It’s rarely a private affair. In her early potty days, she insisted that I stand close enough that she could plunge her head into my belly in case the job became too intense. Fortunately, those traumatic bathroom days are behind us. She still likes to talk at full volume through the door, though, narrating the action, sometimes trying out her beloved potty words. So when I heard this:

“Mom, I’m going to try to go to the bathroom like a boy!”

I ran, just as you would, to stop the madness. Too late.

“Oh, that didn’t work out so well,” she called before I even made it through the door.

Where is the do-over button when you need it?

Wanted: One Monster Under the Bed

Posted on February 19, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Aren’t most kids scared of monsters? Especially the big ones under your bed? I grew up terrified of the grizzly bear in my closet. He was enormous and hairy and had bad breath. My dad took a broom in there every night and swept him out. But Piper isn’t your ordinary kid. She’s seeking a monster under her bed. Maybe it’s my fault for dressing toddler Piper as a scary monster for Halloween.

Or maybe we were all a little scary that year.

That’s blood streaming out of Sissy’s mouth.

So for the sake of my readers and this blog, I asked.

“Piper, why do you want a monster under your bed?”

She didn’t even hesitate. Her plan was all worked out.

“Because when he burps it will shake my bed like a dance party,” she said. “He’s got to be big, though.” Piper demonstrated how big by spreading her arms wide.

Of course he has to be big. Otherwise, his burps would merely jolt your bed and not provide the actual vibrations large enough for dancing.

“Won’t you be scared, Piper? A monster under your bed sounds a little frightening, don’t you think?”

“Well, maybe to you.”

What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

Posted on February 18, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

As you may have heard, unless you’re boycotting or hiding under a rock, last week was Valentine’s Day, which is really just another opportunity for Piper and Augie to engage in their ongoing soulmate love fest. I vote yes for any occasion that let’s me just say I love you. I don’t need flowers although I won’t complain about them either. I definitely don’t want to brave a restaurant and/or wrestle someone for a babysitter on a Tuesday evening when much of the rest of the country is trying to do the same. But I’ll happily eavesdrop on your personal valentine messages and appreciate the truth about love.

The truth about a long distance friendship between four-year-olds is that it’s hard and it’s work. You miss each other and you don’t know when you’ll be together again. Your parents are entirely in charge of scheduling and they seem to be busy doing something called “work.” You don’t have a credit card yet so you can’t just buy a plane ticket. You don’t drive, even though you really, really want to, so you can’t just hop in a car. You don’t own a boombox so you can’t hold it above your head and blare “In Your Eyes” like John Cusack in “Say Anything”:

Oh, swoon. That gets me every time.

As a four-year-old in love, you have to rely on Skype, video messages, and the postal service to keep the flame alive. So, you work hard to express yourself to your valentine with the only tools you have: markers, glitter, heart stickers, and foam beads. Here is what Augie sent Piper this week:

Swoon again. That Augie is sweeter than candy. That’s a lot of glitter hearts and you and I know clearly what that means. Nothing says I love you like a purple pipe clean molded into a heart. And any man who understands the importance of dotting your “i” as a statement is a good man in my book. Piper went a bit more of the clichéd route and relied on jewelry to express her feelings:

As a girl invested in anything rainbow, making and then giving away an awesome foam rainbow necklace is the ultimate sacrifice. And look at the layering of hearts. Clearly, a metaphor. Let’s look inside:

Writing her name is not Piper’s favorite thing to do, but for Augie, she will. Happily. Because when you love someone, you work at it. You tell them. And you hold on tight.

Life Illustrated Part 3

Posted on February 17, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

You never get a simple answer when you ask a Piper. Her mind works in mysterious ways. Yesterday, her preschool teacher wanted to know what Piper liked. She only wanted one answer really but that isn’t what she got. This is:

Piper likes jumping but apparently I ruin her fun. At least there is the wind. Purple wind, which I have to admit would be cool. Is that like purple rain? Piper also likes to pack her suitcase. She’s used to traveling, especially to Florida. And when she’s not flying somewhere, relishing in purple wind, and breaking dishes, Piper just likes to rock. “What kind of rocking?” I asked. “Lady Gaga rocking,” she said. Of course. Is there any other kind?

Want more Life Illustrated? Check here and here.

Life Illustrated Part 2

Posted on February 16, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Piper has decided that she’s going to sell some art to raise money for her Lalaloopsy desires. So, here’s one of her latest pieces of art entitled “A Fantastical Parade.” I’ve labeled the parts as she narrated just in case they weren’t entirely obvious. Let the bidding begin.

I think any art that incorporates Jesus and a monkey has to be worth something. Clearly, this is Piper’s Chipette phase, thus the Eleanor precariously perched on the monkey and Jeanette telling her to “Get off that monkey!” Jeanette sounds reasonable to me. Much more reasonable then not being about to decide if that blue blob in the lower right corner is the ice cream you’ve dropped of monkey excrement. And if Piper’s art doesn’t raise the necessary funds, I’d pay good money to see that mouse juggle fire.

In case this particular piece isn’t your style, check out this one.