Piper has been having nightmares. Kenny the Shark is to blame. Piper thinks he’s absolutely terrifying.

We don’t let her watch such violence at home, of course. She saw it during indoor recess. Discovery Channel needs and R rating, according to Piper’s imagination.

While I was trying to rationalize her irrational fear, she asked, “Mom, are sharks and ghosts real?”

“Well,” I answered, “sharks are real. Ghosts aren’t.”

“Ugh,” Piper said, “I was hoping you’d say ghosts are real. They’re so much less scary than sharks.”