A History Major in the Making

Posted on July 27, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Sometimes Piper is anti everything. It’s part of her charm. She comes by it honestly.

Last weekend on our road trip back from the beach, we stopped off in Colonial Williamsburg for lunch. As a history major, I’ve always wanted to see it: the historic buildings, actors dressed in colonial garb, carriage rides, battlefields. So cool!

“Look at that old building! Gosh that’s old!” I said.

“I hate old,” Piper responded.

“How can you hate old? All that history!”

“I hate history.”

“Oh! Look at those people dressed up as colonisits! Can you imagine living like that?”

“I hate colonists.”

Bah Humbug.

Reminds me of the time my family drove to Truman’s house for a tour and I refused to get out of the car. Because I was reading Truman’s biography and couldn’t stop. It made perfect sense at the time.

Lions, Tigers, and Orangutans-Oh My

Posted on July 24, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

When you give Piper a choice of any place she’d like to go in the whole D.C. Metro area, she always picks the zoo. I’ll refrain from jokes about Piper’s own animal behavior. The zoo, it is. Off we went!

Piper’s favorite thing to do at the zoo is to pick out an animal we MUST see, locate that animal, and then the second we are in front of that animal’s cage, announce that she’s ready to see the next animal on her list. She’s not one for gazing or appreciating. For Piper, it’s all about the quest. Next, please. Bamboo eating panda? Seen it. Elephant squirting water on its back? Been there. Lion roaring and pacing in its cage? Done that.

That was, until we were eating our lunch and suddenly the monkeys, technically orangutans, found us. “The monkeys are loose at the zoo!” Piper shouted. She pointed into the trees above our head. She was right. There they were swinging and traveling in their own orangutan style on the O Line.

“Mom,” Piper asked, “can I get up there, too?”

We decided to save that request for another day. We’ll be back soon, I’m sure.

Piper’s Picks

Posted on July 23, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

We’re halfway there, dear readers. I pledged 365 piperisms and we’ve made it through more than half the year. 36,000 hits. 205 posts. 761 comments. You people must be either really bored or completely enamored with the Piper. Me, too. We’re grateful.

In honor of our halfway mark, Piper and I spent some time going through the blog. She loves to laugh at herself. Isn’t that a great lesson? “I’m really funny, aren’t I?” Piper said, curled up at my side as we scrolled. Modest, too. Are you taking notes?

“Which ones are your favorites?” I asked.

Piper didn’t even hesitate. “Sissy Blogs.”

So, here you go. Piper’s picks:

Guest Blogger: Sissy

Guest Blogger: Raoul Dahl a.k.a. Sissy

Guest Blogger: Big Sister, Age 9

A Rainbow of Fruit Flavors

Thanks for reading!

Deep Thoughts

Posted on July 22, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

We’re big fans of Jack Handey’s “Deep Thoughts” in this house. Too big of fans, actually.

So big that Piper has begun dropping “deep thoughts” as ice breakers when she meets new people. Yesterday we were waiting outside Sissy’s violin lesson when another student arrived early for her lesson. Piper introduced herself by asking if she could have some doritos from the stranger’s bag. The answer was ‘no.’ Then Piper said, “If you drop your keys in molten lava, let them go because, man, they’re gone.” The stranger just stared. There may have been a language barrier, too. “Deep thoughts” don’t translate that well.

Sometimes when Piper is sharing her “deep thoughts” with the world, she fudges the punchline a bit. Or she starts laughing so hard she can’t get the ending out. This happens all the time with her favorite: I hope if dogs take over the world, and they choose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. Piper is usually drooling on herself in a fit of giggles and can’t get the “Chihuahuas” part out. She’s tried this one out while ordering from the menu when we’re out to dinner. People think she’s ordering dog. And that’s just not funny.

DeepThoughtsByJackHandey.com

Life Illustrated With Poetry

Posted on July 21, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Piper wrote her first poem today. It’s illustrated with a translation. If I ever needed confirmation that my children are plotting to keep me contained within the walls of this house so that they don’t have to share me with the world, I now have it. Piper put me in a box. Then she loved me.

If you need more Life Illustrated, here you go:

Life Illustrated Part One

Life Illustrated Part Two

Life Illustrated Part Three

Life Illustrated Part Four

Life Illustrated Part Five

Life Illustrated Part Six

Life Illustrated Part Seven

Life Illustrated: Preschool Edition

Life Illustrated: The Seasons

Leash Laws

Posted on July 20, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Taking a Piper to the airport is a bit like bringing along a frisky cat. She darts under luggage racks and refuses to yield the aisle, even when a traveler is coming straight at her with rolling bags twice her size. She must touch and sometimes lick every germy surface. There’s so much open space in which to skip and frolic and cool moving escalators and belts. Makes me wish I had a kiddie leash. No judging here.

Even a trip to the bathroom is an adventure. While waiting in a long line in the ladies room, I bent down to check for shoes under the stalls.

“Mom,” Piper said, “I don’t think you’re supposed to look under there at the people. That’s what you always say.” I tried to explain that I was just assessing occupancy, but P had already moved on to her next observation. “Look! Somebody thinks their luggage needs to go potty, too!”

Spy Kid

Posted on July 19, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

A conversation from our metro ride last night:

“Can you be a spy for a job, Mom?”

“Yes. You can, Piper.”

“Do you have to go to a spy school?”

“You do. There’s a spy school right here in D.C.”

“Good. ‘Cuz I could still be close to you when I’m a spy.”

“I think they want you to stay at your spy school while you’re learning to spy. Maybe we could have lunch, though.”

“Can you spy on your own house?”

“I suppose. It may be boring, though.”

“Okay. I don’t want a house anyway. I want to live in a hotel. And be a spy.”

Stuck in a Compromising Position

Posted on July 18, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Piper got stuck today under her bed. Naked. “I was just trying to clean under here!” she claimed when I found her bare booty caught in the slats of her bunk bed. She wiggled like a worm trying to free herself. It wasn’t pretty but it was entertaining.

Why was she wearing her birthday suit, you ask? Good question. I’d showered her post pool and she said she needed time to “air out.” Her room also needed cleaning so the two activities logically fit together. Until she got stuck. Naked.

“Fiddlesticks!” Piper yelled when she realized she was truly jammed in under the bed. “Oh, fiddlesticks!” she said again as I coaxed her exposed limb by exposed limb out. “Ah, air!” she celebrated when she finally bounced up from her confinement and examined herself for splinters. Then she put her hands on her hips and proclaimed “Fiddlesticks!” one more time and took a victory lap. Naked, of course.

Do You Want Fries With That?

Posted on July 17, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

We were downtown last weekend visiting Grumpy Naked Guy and drove by a park where a soup kitchen was serving a meal. The line for food was long and in Piper world, that must mean something good.

“What’s the big line for?” she asked.

“It looks like they’re feeding people,” I said.

“Why are they feeding people?”

“Because they’re hungry,” I explained.

“I’d like a chocolate milkshake, please.”