Piper thinks her dad is a vampire. Here is her evidence:

Dad has black hair and wears a lot of black clothing.

He is kind of pale.

Dad likes to stay up late and sleep in.

He is allergic to garlic.

When I assess Piper’s list, I have to admit it seems rather incriminating. He is an academic (thus the pasty) who takes her to the park in the afternoon (thus staying up late to catch up on work), and he does wear a lot of black (suits, that is, it’s DC folks). The garlic thing is a severe allergy, entirely not his fault.

“You know how I really know Daddy is a vampire?” Piper asked.

I was going to ignore the line of questioning because I’ve been trying to dissuade the topic, but I knew her readers would want to know.

“Ok. How come?”

“Because he’s not a very good rememberer. He forgets his keys, his wallet, his lunch. A vampire doesn’t need those things. He just needs blood. You can’t forget your blood.”