Category Archives: Antics and Adventures

Wheeling and Dealing

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We dragged Piper and Sissy along with us today to a boring appointment. We have paperwork to do for our home purchase and the girls were out of school. At least there were cool chairs in the board room. And conference phones. Don’t they look like little bosses?

Their wheeling and dealing had to do with hypothetical home purchases. Sissy mentioned interest rates and home inspections. Piper said she needed a house with multiple rooms for her stuffed animals.

“What price range are you imagining?” Sissy asked.

“Who cares?” Piper answered. “I AM RICH!”

Zoo Lessons

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We went to the zoo last weekend. It was a perfect fall day. Sunny. Chilly enough for hot chocolate and donuts. Warm enough to walk around watching the animals and appreciating the changing colors. It was an educational experience for Piper, too. These are the things she learned:

1. Animals poop. A lot.

2. Monkeys have funny butts.

3. Some monkeys have funny boobs, too.

4. Underwater caves have the best views.

5. When animals poop a lot it smells. Bad.

6. If you ask for a really small thing at the gift store, your odds are better than when you ask to take home the life size panda.

7. You’re always the red dot on the map. The red dot follows you. It’s amazing.

8. Elephants lay eggs. Or they like to play with big white balls. Whatever.

9. Elephants poop a lot. It’s big poop. It smells like big poop.

10. Seals fight over the same rock. Even when there are two seals and twenty rocks. It’s a lot like having a Sissy.

Want Some Candy?

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Piper sold her Halloween candy. Not all of it, of course. Her dentist buys back the sugar for $2 a pound. Isn’t that cool? So Piper and Sissy sat and sorted the hard candy definitely rot your teeth stuff from the chocolate maybe rot your teeth stuff and hauled it to the good doctor. “You think he knows that’s not all of it?” Piper whispered. I said he probably did. He handed over $2 bills anyway and entered their names into a drawing for $100. Then the real negotiations began.

“Sissy, if you win the $100, will you split it with me?” Piper asked.

“No, but I’ll give you some if I win if you give me some if you win,” Sissy countered.

“Like how much?”

“Like 70-30.”

“How about 60-60?”

“That doesn’t make sense, Piper.”

“Okay. Deal.”

Happy Halloween

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It’s that time of year when we take the knife to the pumpkin flesh and make dreams come true. The tools are sharpened. The pan is oiled for seed roasting. Our pumpkin carnage plans are drawn. Let the slicing begin. First, Princess Leia emerged with her famous side braid ear muffs. Piper colored mini white gourds black and Daddy attached them with nails.

Then Paty Kerry took the stage.

Sissy did her hair. Here’s a side profile so you can get the full effect.

Then we roasted their innards. With sea salt and chipolte. Yum.

And the pumpkin gals hung out together.

I have to wonder if one day some little girl somewhere will be presented with her first pumpkin to carve and declare “Let’s make a Piper!”

Storm Prepping II

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We’re waiting. And waiting. Waiting for Sandy. Storm prepping has been done for days. We’re all bedded down in the basement like it’s a grand slumber party. Schools are closed. The city is shut down. Flashlights are ready. We’ll be carving pumpkins by candlelight.

Piper’s planning, too. “Mom, I have a great idea. Why don’t you ground us now from the TV? That way when the power goes out and we can’t watch it, it’ll be punishment.”

“But you haven’t done anything wrong, P? Why would I ground you?” For the record, Piper has never necessitated a grounding. Sissy was grounded for about five minutes. Once.

“Yeah,” Piper said, continuing her scheme, “but you could ground us now for a future grounding and then we’d not watch TV and it can count for a future punishment.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Piper,” Sissy said.

Name Your Own Adventure

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We thought long and hard before we named Piper Piper. I’ve written about the pitfalls of “Baby Naming 101” for Mothering. I’ve professed our scientific baby naming process in “What in a Name? Guts.” I’m no baby naming rookie. So I thought we’d gotten it right. She’s a Piper, yes? Of course she is.

From the backseat today, Piper told us she’d made a big decision.

“I don’t want to be Piper anymore,” she said.

“What? Like you don’t want to be you?” Sissy asked.

“No, I’ll still be me. I just don’t want to be Piper. I’m changing my name.”

“Why?” Daddy asked. We’d just swung through the train station and picked him up 13 seconds earlier. Parenting makes you hit the ground running.

“I want a normal name.” My heart sank. This was my biggest fear in naming the Piper Piper. What if she hated it? What if she blames us later for giving her the coolest name on the planet because she doesn’t appreciate its coolness?

“I want to be Rebecca,” Piper said.

“That is a nice name,” I agreed.

“Nope. You’re a Piper,” Sissy insisted.

“Or Rosie.”

“Okay,” Daddy said, “but you’ll probably need to decide.”

“Yeah,” Piper said, “but it’s kind of a big decision.”

I know, Piper. Believe me, I know.

Wishin’ and Hopin’

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At breakfast this morning Piper announced that she’d be honeymooning in California. We’re used to declarations like this daily. We take them seriously and always play along. You might wonder where this one came from; we know Piper well enough not to ask. Why ask why? is our motto.

“Hmm,” I said, sipping coffee, “how will you get there?”

“By carriage.”

“Like horse drawn carriage?” I asked. “That will take awhile.”

“Then I’ll go to Paris,” Piper said.

“You can’t go to Paris by horse drawn carriage, P,” Sissy informed her. “Unless, of course, your horses can swim.” I think she snorted then at her own joke.

“You could ride your horse drawn carriage onto a ship and take that to Paris,” Daddy offered. He never wants to crush Piper’s dreams.

“Can I take a ship to California?” P asked.

We all looked at each other. “Yes,” I nodded, “you can, I suppose. It will take a long time because you’ll have to go through the Panama Canal or the Northwest Passage. Or you can take a boat and carry it across the Rockies.”

“Who are you going to marry, anyway?” Sissy asked.

Piper shrugged. “I haven’t worked out that detail yet.”

A Contrarian Doesn’t Smell the Rose Garden

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Yesterday Piper went to the White House. Again. She hated it just as much.

Her first visit was last year during the holidays. She almost got us kicked out and I blogged about it in “Is Obama on the Naughty List?” and “Ikea vs. The White House.”

Remember she is the contrarian. Read “A Contrarian Smells the Roses” for proof.

Still, we went back for the White House Garden Tour. My dear friend Jen scored us tickets. Piper brought her favorite stuffed animals along. At least a contrarian knows how to occupy themselves.

Then Piper mapped out her route. She was really just looking for Bo, the Obama’s dog.

Jen tried to help with the map reading. Piper continued to look for Bo.

She didn’t find Bo, but she did find the playground on the White House lawn. She wasn’t allowed to play on it, though. Here’s what she thought of that:

We also found the Bee Hive and the White House Kitchen Garden. Both looked yummy.

Piper wasn’t impressed with either. “Yuck,” she said. “I don’t like eggplant.”

So we had to rely on the one thing that always makes the contrarian smile: Sissy.