She Sees You When You’re Sleeping

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I have a stalker. Her name is Piper Mae.

She sleeps down the hallway behind a closed door. Yet she knows my every move.

If I get up in the middle of the night, she’s by my side. “I just happened to have to go, too, Mommy,” she says. “How about a quick hug since I’m here, you know?”

In the mornings I like to wake up early and write and blog. I’m careful not to make a sound. As soon as I lift the computer screen, though, Piper bursts through the door like she’s caught me. “I saw your light!”

“But it’s a laptop screen with just a tiny bit of light? How could you possibly see it?” I protest, throwing back the covers for the morning cuddle.

“I just know, Mommy. I always know where you are.”

Spa Bound

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“Mom,” Piper asked, “do you ever wear cucumbers on your eyes when you go to the spa?”

“Once I did, but usually they just put little hydrating pads on your eyes that do the same thing,” I said.

“Do they use anything besides cucumbers? You know, like broccoli or peppers?”

“No, just cucumbers.”

“I’d want the cucumbers, too. Then if I got hungry, I’d just eat them and ask for more.”

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Kids These Days

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Just when you think you know someone. Geez.

One of the best things about kindergarten is the new friends. Piper’s made some good ones. She’s kept her old ones, too, but her new ones have brought new friends into our whole family. It’s a win-win. So we were a bit shocked last night at dinner when Piper admitted that her classmate, Madeline, may not be the best influence.

“Madeline knows all the curse words. She said she’d teach them to me, too.”

My fork stopped mid-bite. “What?” I managed.

Dad jumped right in. “Oh? Like which ones?” Inquiring minds want details.

“I think all of them,” Piper said. “How many are there?”

“There’s a lot,” Dad said. “Which ones does she know?”

“I don’t know. But she definitely knows them. I saw her writing them.”

Sissy jumped up from the table and got a pad of paper and a pen. She brought it to Piper and wrote something down. “Is this a curse word?” she asked.

“Yep,” Piper said. “That’s what Madeline can do, too. I can’t wait to use curse words. Madeline is going to teach me how.”

Sissy sighed and handed over the notepad to me. “She means cursive, folks. Not curse words. You can breathe again.”

Time Travelin’

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Daddy: If you could live in any other time period, what would it be?

Sissy: Probably somewhere in the early 1900s. I’ve read a lot of books set then. A lot of inventions were happening. It wasn’t high tech then but it was still cool.

Me: 1920s. Most of my favorite authors were writing then. Also, I’d kind of like to meet my grandma when she was young.

Piper: The time of the unicorns, for sure.

Sissy: Unicorns aren’t real. They never existed.

Piper: What? Why would you SAY something like that?

Order in the Court

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Once a week we try to have a family meeting. There’s nothing formal about it. We just gather around the table and put whatever needs sorted on the table. It clears the air. I gripe less daily when I know I can bring up my grievance at family meeting. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a laundry list of grievances. None of us do. But when you live in a family, stuff needs talked about. The family meeting is our place to do that. It’s like therapy without the therapist. Sissy and Piper have a voice, too. Last family meeting Sissy asked people to knock before they barged into her room. Dad was frustrated that no one ever puts the hairbrushes back. I asked people to remember to clean out their lunch boxes right after school so they’d be dry by morning.

We also chat about good stuff coming up. We exchange news. The pending move in our new house was a hot topic at our last family meeting. The girls had questions, mostly about paint colors and decor. It was pretty civilized. Until Piper slammed her fist on the table out of nowhere and announced, “WE NEED SOME RULES AROUND HERE, PEOPLE!” We all gaped at her in wonder. Where did that come from? I still don’t know. The family meeting dissolved in giggles and there was no order to be had.

Wheeling and Dealing

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We dragged Piper and Sissy along with us today to a boring appointment. We have paperwork to do for our home purchase and the girls were out of school. At least there were cool chairs in the board room. And conference phones. Don’t they look like little bosses?

Their wheeling and dealing had to do with hypothetical home purchases. Sissy mentioned interest rates and home inspections. Piper said she needed a house with multiple rooms for her stuffed animals.

“What price range are you imagining?” Sissy asked.

“Who cares?” Piper answered. “I AM RICH!”

Zoo Lessons

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We went to the zoo last weekend. It was a perfect fall day. Sunny. Chilly enough for hot chocolate and donuts. Warm enough to walk around watching the animals and appreciating the changing colors. It was an educational experience for Piper, too. These are the things she learned:

1. Animals poop. A lot.

2. Monkeys have funny butts.

3. Some monkeys have funny boobs, too.

4. Underwater caves have the best views.

5. When animals poop a lot it smells. Bad.

6. If you ask for a really small thing at the gift store, your odds are better than when you ask to take home the life size panda.

7. You’re always the red dot on the map. The red dot follows you. It’s amazing.

8. Elephants lay eggs. Or they like to play with big white balls. Whatever.

9. Elephants poop a lot. It’s big poop. It smells like big poop.

10. Seals fight over the same rock. Even when there are two seals and twenty rocks. It’s a lot like having a Sissy.

Under the Stairs

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Our new house has an under the stairs room. You know, like Harry Potter. One of those cool cut out spaces tucked in the basement just waiting for your imagination. Our house in Illinois had one, too. It doubled as American Girl Land and our tornado shelter. At least we had stuff to play with when the sirens were going off.

Yesterday at breakfast Sissy and Piper were making plans for their new under the stairs room. They want it to be a hideout. Something new. Something private. Adults aren’t allowed. “Why can’t we have the whole basement?” Piper asked.

“Dad will have his office down there. And we need a guest room, too,” I said. Dad works from home three days a week. And we have a lot of visitors. “But the under the stairs room is all yours.”

“In fact,” Dad said, “we were thinking you both would just live in the under the stairs room and leave the upstairs bedrooms for us.” Sissy rolled her eyes. She knows to never take him seriously. Piper played along, though.

“What? You’re going to lock us in the under the stairs room? Just like Harry Potter!” Piper feigned outrage and panic. It was quite a performance.

“Don’t worry. We’ll still bring you food,” Dad reassured them. Sissy rolled her eyes again.

“Well,” Piper said, reaching across the table for Sissy’s hand, “at least we’ll be together.”

Modern Day Nomads

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We’re moving. Again. 13th time is the charm, right? It’s still exciting. Not the packing, of course, but the idea that this time we may stay somewhere more than five minutes. We’re not running from the law or anything. Each move has seemed completely rational at the time: jobs, school, opportunities. It’s just when I add them all up I realize that the nomadic lifestyle may not be what’s best for Sissy and Piper. So, this move finally feels permanent. Whew.

Last night at dinner we were discussing the logistics of the move (did I mention it’s only a few weeks away? Aah!). “Do we have to pack everything or will we have movers?” Sissy asked. She knows this drill well.

“We’re only moving two blocks, so I think we’ll move most of it ourselves,” I said. “We’ll get help with the furniture and piano.”

“Can I bring my stuffed animals?” Piper asked.

“Absolutely. We’re taking everything,” I said.

“Can I live with you when I grow up, too?”

“You can live with me, P,” Sissy offered. Whew, again.

“Thanks, Sissy. Can my boyfriend come to?”

“No. Just you. You can be weird Aunt Piper in the basement,” Sissy said. “My kids will love you.”

“Thanks, Sissy. I’ll bring my stuffed animals, too.”