Lions, Tigers, and Orangutans-Oh My

Posted on July 24, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

When you give Piper a choice of any place she’d like to go in the whole D.C. Metro area, she always picks the zoo. I’ll refrain from jokes about Piper’s own animal behavior. The zoo, it is. Off we went!

Piper’s favorite thing to do at the zoo is to pick out an animal we MUST see, locate that animal, and then the second we are in front of that animal’s cage, announce that she’s ready to see the next animal on her list. She’s not one for gazing or appreciating. For Piper, it’s all about the quest. Next, please. Bamboo eating panda? Seen it. Elephant squirting water on its back? Been there. Lion roaring and pacing in its cage? Done that.

That was, until we were eating our lunch and suddenly the monkeys, technically orangutans, found us. “The monkeys are loose at the zoo!” Piper shouted. She pointed into the trees above our head. She was right. There they were swinging and traveling in their own orangutan style on the O Line.

“Mom,” Piper asked, “can I get up there, too?”

We decided to save that request for another day. We’ll be back soon, I’m sure.

Piper’s Picks

Posted on July 23, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

We’re halfway there, dear readers. I pledged 365 piperisms and we’ve made it through more than half the year. 36,000 hits. 205 posts. 761 comments. You people must be either really bored or completely enamored with the Piper. Me, too. We’re grateful.

In honor of our halfway mark, Piper and I spent some time going through the blog. She loves to laugh at herself. Isn’t that a great lesson? “I’m really funny, aren’t I?” Piper said, curled up at my side as we scrolled. Modest, too. Are you taking notes?

“Which ones are your favorites?” I asked.

Piper didn’t even hesitate. “Sissy Blogs.”

So, here you go. Piper’s picks:

Guest Blogger: Sissy

Guest Blogger: Raoul Dahl a.k.a. Sissy

Guest Blogger: Big Sister, Age 9

A Rainbow of Fruit Flavors

Thanks for reading!

Deep Thoughts

Posted on July 22, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

We’re big fans of Jack Handey’s “Deep Thoughts” in this house. Too big of fans, actually.

So big that Piper has begun dropping “deep thoughts” as ice breakers when she meets new people. Yesterday we were waiting outside Sissy’s violin lesson when another student arrived early for her lesson. Piper introduced herself by asking if she could have some doritos from the stranger’s bag. The answer was ‘no.’ Then Piper said, “If you drop your keys in molten lava, let them go because, man, they’re gone.” The stranger just stared. There may have been a language barrier, too. “Deep thoughts” don’t translate that well.

Sometimes when Piper is sharing her “deep thoughts” with the world, she fudges the punchline a bit. Or she starts laughing so hard she can’t get the ending out. This happens all the time with her favorite: I hope if dogs take over the world, and they choose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. Piper is usually drooling on herself in a fit of giggles and can’t get the “Chihuahuas” part out. She’s tried this one out while ordering from the menu when we’re out to dinner. People think she’s ordering dog. And that’s just not funny.

DeepThoughtsByJackHandey.com

Leash Laws

Posted on July 20, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Taking a Piper to the airport is a bit like bringing along a frisky cat. She darts under luggage racks and refuses to yield the aisle, even when a traveler is coming straight at her with rolling bags twice her size. She must touch and sometimes lick every germy surface. There’s so much open space in which to skip and frolic and cool moving escalators and belts. Makes me wish I had a kiddie leash. No judging here.

Even a trip to the bathroom is an adventure. While waiting in a long line in the ladies room, I bent down to check for shoes under the stalls.

“Mom,” Piper said, “I don’t think you’re supposed to look under there at the people. That’s what you always say.” I tried to explain that I was just assessing occupancy, but P had already moved on to her next observation. “Look! Somebody thinks their luggage needs to go potty, too!”

Stuck in a Compromising Position

Posted on July 18, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Piper got stuck today under her bed. Naked. “I was just trying to clean under here!” she claimed when I found her bare booty caught in the slats of her bunk bed. She wiggled like a worm trying to free herself. It wasn’t pretty but it was entertaining.

Why was she wearing her birthday suit, you ask? Good question. I’d showered her post pool and she said she needed time to “air out.” Her room also needed cleaning so the two activities logically fit together. Until she got stuck. Naked.

“Fiddlesticks!” Piper yelled when she realized she was truly jammed in under the bed. “Oh, fiddlesticks!” she said again as I coaxed her exposed limb by exposed limb out. “Ah, air!” she celebrated when she finally bounced up from her confinement and examined herself for splinters. Then she put her hands on her hips and proclaimed “Fiddlesticks!” one more time and took a victory lap. Naked, of course.

Grumpy Naked Guy

Posted on July 16, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Grumpy Naked Guy lives in a corner of the Hirshhorn Museum in Downtown D.C.

Piper may be his biggest fan.

She does wonder sometimes why he’s so darn grumpy. That he’s enormous and nude doesn’t phase a Piper at all.

“Why’s Grumpy Naked Guy so grumpy?” Piper asked.

“Maybe because he forgot his underwear?” Daddy suggested.

“Nah. That’s not it.”

“Maybe he’s cold?” I said.

“Nope. Naked isn’t so cold.” Piper does speak from experience.

She studied Grumpy Naked Guy some more. You really can’t help but stare. Especially in certain parts.

“Maybe he just doesn’t like modern art,” Piper finally concluded.

Guest Blogger: Sissy

Posted on July 15, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Sissy is guest blogging today! Here she is:

During lunch yesterday, Piper made this “very ‘aportant” announcement:

“Okay, everyone. See what I’m saying? After lunch, I will be presenting a lalaloopsy play or show. If you need to go to the bathroom, there’s potty breaks. The show is called ‘My Dream’ because me, Piper, dreamed it. I always wanted a lalaloopsy dream, and now I have one! There will be some sad parts, so stick with me. It will be fad-u-lous! Make sure to come!”

Piper promised a show in the afternoon. After a quick trip to the mall and then dinner, she informed us that the title of the show had miraculously changed to “The Five Little Fairies” and that the lalaloopsies were no longer the stars of the show. A lot can change in 4 hours. But when I reminded her of the show thirty minutes later, she replied in her sassiest voice, “Sissy, after this game! We only have three pigs left!” I didn’t ask her what that meant.

I finally got a five minute play out of her, but then there was yet another distraction. A dance party with Daddy sounded so much more fun.

“What happened to the play?” I asked Piper. “I’ve been waiting all day for the show.”

“Show? What show? We need you at the Dance Party! We can’t sing Firework!” she responded.

Apparently, the show must NOT go on.

Yelp!

Posted on July 14, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

Do you Yelp? Piper’s Daddy is a true yelp devotee. He checks in all the time everywhere we go. He must know not only what other patrons think of the place but how his own rating is valued. If you’re as devoted as Piper’s Daddy, you, too, can earn a meaningless Yelp rank, such as Earl or Duke. How do you achieve such Yelp status, you ask? I checked their website.

What is the “Yelp Elite Squad”?

The Yelp Elite Squad is our way of recognizing and rewarding yelpers who are active evangelists and role models, both on and off the site. Elite-worthiness is based on a number of things, including well-written reviews, a fleshed-out personal profile, an active voting and complimenting record, and playing nice with others. Members of the Elite Squad are designated by a shiny Elite badge on their account profile.

As an Elite badge carrying member of Yelp, Piper’s Daddy has risen to the ranks of Duke in our favorite restaurant and two local frozen yogurt establishments. We’re very proud.

Last night we went out to eat. Piper’s Daddy was logging on to Yelp in the car as we pulled into the parking lot. He’s a bit competitive, you see. There could be other restaurant patrons inside just waiting to knock him out of his well-earned Duke position. Piper knows how much it means to him.

“Daddy, did you Yelp?”

“I’m logging in right now. I’ll let you know,” he said.

“Are you the Duke?” Piper asked, excitedly.

“I think so. Just a minute.”

“Daddy, you can be the Duke of my love!”

With that kind of status, who needs Yelp?

Tasty Freeze

Posted on July 13, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

This afternoon we went down to our neighborhood sweet shop, Carmen’s, for a summer treat. Sissy had the gelati, a combination of custard and strawberry lemonade ice. Cousin Tay chose a straight pina colada ice. Piper wanted chocolate anything and multiple trips to the toppings bar. After selecting exactly one of all 26 toppings, Piper delivered the following discovery:

“I know why people cry at weddings. It’s because they’re romantic,” Piper began.

“True,” Sissy agreed, shoveling in more icy goodness. “But why does being romantic make you cry?”

“You see,” Piper continued, “when you’re little, everything is perfect. Then you grow up.”

“And?” Cousin Tay said.

“Your parents cry when you get married because they will miss you,” Piper said. “What else do they have to do? After the wedding, they just go home and cry. Because they’re sad. They’re bored. That makes them cry more. I’m just going to stay little.”

The Best Ingredient

Posted on July 12, 2012 by melissa.scholes.young

After my rant about Piper’s numerous food complaints in “I Hate That,” it seems only fair to share how sweet she can be with food she loves.

Last night Piper dragged in a stack of books for me to read to her as I made dinner. I chopped carrots. I read a book. I chopped celery. She read the book back to me. I brought the broth to a boil and added spices. I read another book. I sauteed seitan and put on a pot for homemade noodles. I read another book. I washed asparagus and spinach. She doused it with olive oil. We put rosemary bread in the oven to warm. Then Piper help set the table and we tasted the soup together.

“You know what makes it taste so good, Mommy?”

“Salt?” I guessed.

“Love. You sweeten it all up.”

Yum.