Category Archives: Antics and Adventures

Trick or Trick

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Piper’s been playing tricks on us. It’s her new thing. She inherited a bag of discarded pranks from Sissy’s bygone trickster days. Round two is just as funny.

“Here, Mom! Can you open this can of potato chips for me?” Piper asks, handing me one of these:

Nibbles Potato Chips Snake Can

“Oh no!” I exaggerate. “I had no idea these weren’t real!”

That sends Piper into a fit of giggles on the floor…right next to the fake dog poop, which she’s strategically placed right next to the fake vomit and the fake rat she’s blaming it all on.

“Mom! There’s a rat in our house! And it pooped and threw up on the floor!”

“A what?” I play along.

“A rat! It’s right there next to the snake. And the poop and stuff. We better run!” Piper sprints out of the room. She comes back seconds later. “Whew! I need some water. Here, Mom, drink out of this cup. I poured you a nice glass of water.”

I take the miniature plastic cup filled with lukewarm tap water. “Thanks, Piper. That sounds refreshing.” Dribble, dribble. The water seeps out from two holes near the lip. “What? I guess I forgot how to drink water!”

“Oh, Mom. You’re so funny!”

“No, Piper. You are!”

“Mom, did you just fart? I heard a fart!”

And she’s only halfway through the prank stash.

Call of the Cutie

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I wish that my knowledge of My Little Pony were not so vast and varied but it is. I owe it all to Piper. She’s spent a good part of the summer catching up on Friendship is Magic episodes. She’s memorized each complex plot line and adopted new vocabulary from the shows. She’s learned to read a dozen words on the screen so that she can select episodes for multiple viewings.  One of her favorites is “Call of the Cutie” in which each pony is awarded their own special “cutie mark.” I can’t make stuff like this up. Here’s the gripping episode teaser:

First your flank is blank. Then one day, you get your cutie mark! How can Apple Bloom get this sign that shows what makes her special? When will it happen?

If you really must know the answer, you can find the My Little Pony channel on You Tube and finish the episode. Or you can just call Piper and she’ll explain every single detail.

Piper’s assigned each of us our very own “cutie mark,” too. It’s how she likes to define people. Grandpa’s “cutie mark” would be a fishing pole. Grandma’s would be a sewing machine. Sissy’s is a book. Daddy’s is his IPhone. She gave me a heart. Ahhh.

“I wonder what my cutie mark would be?” she asked, assessing her naked backside to see if she already had a cutie mark. She doesn’t. Whew. “Maybe a dog? I do love dogs. Maybe a rainbow! Cuz I love rainbows.”

“Maybe a tutu?” I offered. Piper rolled her eyes. My suggestions these days are met with a lot of eye rolling.

“I know!” she exclaimed. “My cutie mark would be an exclamation point!”

“Do you know what an exclamation point is?” I asked. Surely, she hasn’t mastered punctuation yet.

“Sure. They’re all over the My Little Pony episodes. Whenever they have a sign or write a note it’s got that line and a dot that says they’re all excited. My cutie mark would be that!”

Scarier Words Were Never Spoken: Doodie!

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“Don’t worry, Mom.  I picked up the poop and put it back in the toilet,” Piper said casually, patting my back for comfort.

I stopped myself from asking how it got out of the toilet. No answer is going to make me feel better.

“Did you wash your hands?” I asked, peeling her paws off my shoulders.

“Be right back!” Piper skipped happily from the room.

Ugh.

History in the Making: Sissy’s Post

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Sissy’s back! And guest blogging today:

Piper’s friend, Alex, came over to play yesterday. After a good half hour of giggling behind closed doors, Piper and Alex decided to open their own business. This first business served plastic food and sold genuine gems. It wasn’t very successful. The second business offered massages that involved rubbing your back with pillows and hitting your feet with princess wands. Being a good big sister (and being very bored) I played along. Their final business idea was to start a history museum. They led me downstairs to our living room and put on fake, old timey accents.

“Look around you. All the stuff you see Indians made,” announced Piper.

I looked around. A piano, TV, couch, rocking chair and guitar. Man, we don’t give Indians enough credit.

“Umm, Piper. That’s not true,” whispered Alex.

“Shh, Alex. You’re ruining it!” Piper whispered back with a sideways glance at me.

“Next, let’s look at the things me and Alex have. The Indians gave them to us,” Piper continued.

I stared at a glow wand, little treasure chest, and plastic coin. All were clearly marked Made in China.

“Now for some history,” Piper began. “Technically, they aren’t aposed to be called Indians. They’re ‘ative Americans. This guy came and thought he was in India, and called them Indians. So,”

“Piper, the man’s name was Christopher Columbus,” I interrupted. “He sailed to America in 1492. Some people say he discovered America.”

Alex stared at me, the living textbook, but Piper brushed my words away. “ That’s what I said. Christy Rhombus. I know that stuff cause I’m a museum girl.”

It’s true. Our parents do drag us to a lot of museums. I guess if she flunks kindergarten, Piper’ll make A’s in history.

Don’t Step on My Blue Sparkly Shoes

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We went school shopping today. It had to be done. This isn’t my first rodeo, though. We focused on supplies for the classroom and shoes. Jeans, jackets, etc. can wait until they’re on sale and we need them. Supplies and shoes. That’s enough for one afternoon.

Piper was reluctant. She’s not that jazzed about kindergarten. “It’s going to be boring. I don’t want to go!” she says, over and over. She’s not that jazzed actually about anything anyone suggests to her unless it’s her idea. She’s impervious to the influence of others. It may serve her well in the future, but the short term is a bit challenging. At least for the Mama.

I bribed Piper in the car with potato chips. I know. I know. It worked, though. Target was remarkably civilized i.e. it was a Tuesday at 2 p.m. when everyone but me had something better to do. “How’s your patience level?” Piper asked as we strolled the aisles. This is a trick she’s learned from her dad. She’s learned percentages this summer by assessing our patience level before asking for something.

“Feelin’ good, P. I think I’m fine. The latte helps,” I answered.

“Can we do shoes first then?” Piper asked. She hates, hates shoe shopping. Clearly, she was switched at birth.

I agreed. It was a reasonable request. Let’s get the dreaded task out of the way.

The one saving grace of shopping with a Piper is that she loves to ride in the cart. She refused to get out of the cart for shoe shopping, though, which makes the actual trying on of shoes kind of difficult. I mean, I can place the shoes on her dangling feet but checking actual fit is tough.

Until she saw these.

“Oh, Mom! I’ve been waiting my whole life for these!” she squealed, wiggling out of the cart and lunging for the box. “I must have these! You’ll be the best mom in the whole world if you buy me these! Oh, just look at them!” It was a scene only a Piper and Scarlet O’Hara could pull off.

$9.99 seemed a cheap price for the Mom of the Year Award. Easy peasy.

As we were standing in the checkout line, Piper told the clerk “I can’t wait for kindergarten!”

Heigh Ho. It’s Off to Work We Go.

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Remember our mining adventures from earlier this week? I blogged about them in Our Little Gold Digger.

Piper may be taking this “I’m going to grow up and be a miner” thing too far.

That’s Piper sound asleep with a Tinker Bell reading light.

All she needs is a pick ax, and she’s ready to trudge down into the mines with the seven dwarfs for a hard day’s work. Cue whistling.

 

Sleeping Beauty Stalls…Again

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Aunt Angela was over for a rousing game of cards last night. Piper did everything she could to get us not to play. Grown ups playing cards means kids going to bed. Everyone knows that. The shuffling of the deck can only mean defeat.

“Want to play Go Fish?” Piper asked. Her voice had that strained cheeriness which means she’s about twenty seconds from a whining fit but knows if she does, it’s all over.

We played Go Fish.

“Want to sing songs?” Piper asked. She shoved the guitar in Daddy’s lap and generously brought him the song book.

We sang Bob Marley’s greatest hits.

“Want to see my rocks?” Piper asked. She dragged out her new gem collection and offered one to every adult on the porch.

We all picked out rocks and appropriately complimented them.

“Want to read books to me?” Piper asked, crawling up in Aunt Angela’s lap. Aunt Angela’s kids are at camp with Sissy. We’re all missing little people crawling up into our laps. Piper can smell our weakness.

Then she whispered in Aunt Angela’s ear, “I like reading books. Lots of them. It’s the best way to get to stay up later. Just ask for more chapters. Works every time.”

And it did.

Swimsuits Optional

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We stumbled upon one of those outdoor water play things downtown yesterday. I know some people like to “plan” their vacations with lists of “sights to see” and “must-visit hot spots.” They research and send away for brochures. They bookmark sights and book hotels in advance. We like to stumble. We drive through neighborhoods and ask about the best ice cream joint. We eavesdrop in coffee houses. We go to the library and pretend we’re locals. The folks at toy stores always know the best places for dining out with kids.

So, we weren’t exactly expecting the awesome outdoor water play thing. Therefore, Piper didn’t have her bathing suit.

“Can I play?” Piper asked her dad.

“Of course. Go on in,” he said.

“But I’ll get my clothes wet?”

“So? They’ll dry.”

Piper tiptoed near the fun. Cautiously.

“But I need a swimsuit,” she said.

“We don’t have one, P. Just go in.”

Swimsuits are always more of a suggestion than a rule, right? I mean, when I dress Piper up in her star studded bikini with matching sun hat, it’s really only for the cuteness factor. And the photo op. She usually peels it off anyway.

Piper continued to feign concern. We didn’t take it that seriously. If you’ve gotten to know Piper through this blog, you probably don’t either. The girls got guts. Crazy courage. Rules schmules.

“Well,” Piper said, “if I must.”

 

Our Little Gold Digger

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We sent Piper to the mines yesterday. She’s been lazing about for five whole years. We figured it was time she learn what child labor is all about. And somebody has to help pay for Sissy’s fancy mountain camp. Geez.

Piper went on her mining expedition with her Nana and Papa to the world famous Elijah Mountain Gem Mine. They got their Little Miner’s bucket of dirt and began sifting. And sifting. And sifting. Mining treasures is hard work, but Piper persevered. “You know,” she said, “I’m just really good at this mining thing!”

Turns out, Piper has a knack for mining. She struck it rich! She came home with bags of genuine gem stones.

We set up our own gem cleaning station. Piper’s been hard at work ever since. She’s been washing, scrubbing, sorting. We’re not entirely sure what the glowing one in the bucket is. It’s either real gold or too much flash on the camera. Either way, Piper may have found her true calling.

Homesick

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Piper asked me to dictate a letter to Sissy this afternoon. We dropped her off at a wilderness camp in the mountains this morning, and we’re all missing her something fierce. It’s been almost three whole hours.

Dear Sissy,

I miss you. I’m sorry I stabbed you with the pool cue yesterday. I was just having fun. I know you didn’t like it. I hope you aren’t still mad at me and I hope you bring me something fun from camp. Like a stuffed animal. Or a snow globe. Mom said they probably don’t have snow globes at camp, but I hope she’s wrong. I really want a snow globe.

Also, Mom keeps crying. I think she wants a snow globe, too.

Love,

Piper