No Exchanges. No Refunds.

Sissy ordered caramel french toast for her annual birthday breakfast in bed. Piper had to eat cold cereal on the floor of Sissy’s bedroom. Piper opted out of the french toast when she saw me making “stuff you dip in eggs that’s gross.”  She did dig two chocolates from her own Easter basket to add to Sissy’s vitamins. She’s got a generous heart, that one.


Piper was pleased just to step into the sacred preteen space. We, too, were allowed into Sissy’s bedroom to deliver the breakfast and wish her a happy birthday. It was quite a treat.

“What’s the best gift you ever received?” I asked Sissy, stopping myself short of cutting the french toast. Back off, Mom. Got it.

Sissy thought for a minute. “Probably my bike,” she said.

“I think Piper’s the best gift we ever gave you,” Dad said. Sissy and Piper exchanged incredulous glances. Me? Her?

“Boy I hope you don’t still have the receipt for me,” Piper said. “I do not want to be returned. I’m ‘as is,’ Sissy.”

Birthday Blog: Live Updates

It’s today. Pipey’s big day. I know you’ve been anxiously awaiting the 5th birthday as much as we have. It’s here! Let’s celebrate. I’ll be updating this blog throughout the day with piperisms. Be sure to tune it for the funnies!

8:12 a.m. Piper runs into our room to cuddle. She likes to wake up smooth.

8:22 a.m. “Piper, it’s your birthday!” I say.

“It is?” she asks.

“Yes! Happy birthday, baby!”

“Really? Today?”

“Yep. You’re five. Happy birthday!”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I gave birth to you 5 years ago. I remember.”

“Mom, it’s my birthday. Stop being gross.”

“Happy birthday, Piper!”

“Wow,” Piper says. “I’ve been waiting so long to be 5 and a half!”

8:52 a.m. Piper orders her breakfast in bed. She invites Sissy, too. And Cousin Tay. What did she order? Oatmeal. With rainbow sprinkles and chocolate chips.

9:23 a.m. Still eating. Piper is now sporting a chocolate mustache. She says she’s going to wear it all day so she can snack whenever she wants. “You know why I’m so cute?” Piper asks. “If I wasn’t so cute, I’d get in a lot more trouble.”

10:08 a.m. Our neighbors will love us. Piper gets a new drum set:

12:15 p.m. Sunflowers for the Birthday Girl!

1:17 p.m. More drumming. More bongos. More dancing. More singing.

2:03 p.m. Starting to regret the drum set present. What was I thinking?

2:41 p.m. Mandatory nap time. Mine, anyway. Piper asks, “Can I put on a concert while you nap? I’ll be quiet. Promise!”

3:13 p.m. There is a band in our basement. They must have a big show coming up, thus the constant rehearsing.

3:47 p.m. “Mom, can we have basagna for dinner and then go out for frozen yogurt?” Absolutely. I’ll take sweating in a hot kitchen over steaming pots if I’m rewarded by a trip to the mall. They don’t have drum sets there, right?

5:15 p.m. Basagna baking. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard Lady Gaga solo on the drums. Just sayin’.

5:35 p.m. At dinner Piper complains, “I didn’t even get to name myself!”

“What should we have named you?” Dad asks.

“Stella,” Piper says. Of course.

6:32 p.m. Off to Build-A-Bear because a birthday girl has just got to build a bear.

8:32 p.m. Introducing the newest member of our stuffed menagerie: Stella.

Loving You to Pieces

Piper has a history of buying me fragile gifts and then accidentally breaking them shortly after.  She gets too excited. She loves the glass rose with the ‘I Love You, Mom’ ribbon and the sparkly unicorn she painted for me herself. She loves them so much that she wants to hold them and feel them and…oops. Then I’m consoling her for breaking the precious gift. There is an entire shelf in our china cabinet displaying the shattered pieces. They’re still beautiful. Piper and I like to take them out and remember when they were whole.

Thankfully, her gift this year is unbreakable. She told me so when she presented it.

“Look, Mom!  I can’t even mess this one up.  See?  It’s a plastic plate.  I made it myself!”

Since it’s a plate, Piper painted a mouth on it.

“I see the mouth,” I said, “but what’s all the colored stuff in the mouth?”

“That’s what my mouth looks like when I eat a rainbow lollipop!” Of course.

And the plate was put to good use when Piper brought me a menu bright and early on Mother’s Day.

I immediately ordered fresh crepes on my new plate.

Followed by a side of cuddles. They were both delicious.

Double Digits or Breakfast in Bed Update

I apologize for leaving you, dear reader, with quite the cliffhanger in Breakfast in Bed. You’ve spent the day wondering “Did Sissy invite the Piper to partake of her birthday breakfast? Did she forgive Piper’s snotty ways?”  Of course she did.  She even awarded Piper two mini muffins for good behavior.

It was a delicious way to start the Sissy celebration.  There was cuddling. There were stories from birthdays past. Then we each told Sissy our favorite thing about her and gave her a dollar (a weird and welcome family tradition).

The yummyness continued with cupcake decor.

And we watched home movies starring Sissy as a baby. Piper was mesmerized. How could her heroine have ever been so tiny and full of drool? There’s hope yet.

Then on to the good stuff: gifts.  A Piper isn’t known for keeping secrets. She told Sissy about her gift five minutes after we bought it, and she reminded her every day leading up to the birthday. “Guess what I got you!” Piper said, but there really wasn’t much to guess about. Still, Sissy played along.  She put on her best look of surprise. “Yes! I was hoping for some duct tape!”

“What’s your first project, Sissy?” Piper asked.

Sissy unrolled a reel of neon yellow tape. “I know just what to do,” Sissy said. “Let’s tape your mouth shut!”

Breakfast in Bed

We’re preparing for Sissy’s birthday soon.  Double digits.  That’s big.

On your birthday in our house you get breakfast in bed.  You place your order like room service by writing it up the night before and leaving it outside your door. Then your family gets up early to make you the perfect breakfast on a tray and delivers it while you lounge around in your pajamas.  It’s as awesome as it sounds.

Last year Sissy invited Piper to get in bed with her and nibble off the edges of her tray. It didn’t go so well.  This morning on the way to church they were debating whether Piper would be invited back for breakfast in bed when the birthday morning arrives.

“I don’t know, P,” Sissy said. “Don’t you remember what happened last year?”

“It was awesome?” Piper asked.

“Not exactly. You spilled my juice and sneezed all over my muffins.”

“Seriously? Why are you still talking about that? Just let it go, Sissy.”

I can’t say yet whether another birthday breakfast in bed will be extended to the Piper.  If she’s that lucky, I’ll have the tissues ready.

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