Tag Archives: piperism

Zoo Lessons

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We went to the zoo last weekend. It was a perfect fall day. Sunny. Chilly enough for hot chocolate and donuts. Warm enough to walk around watching the animals and appreciating the changing colors. It was an educational experience for Piper, too. These are the things she learned:

1. Animals poop. A lot.

2. Monkeys have funny butts.

3. Some monkeys have funny boobs, too.

4. Underwater caves have the best views.

5. When animals poop a lot it smells. Bad.

6. If you ask for a really small thing at the gift store, your odds are better than when you ask to take home the life size panda.

7. You’re always the red dot on the map. The red dot follows you. It’s amazing.

8. Elephants lay eggs. Or they like to play with big white balls. Whatever.

9. Elephants poop a lot. It’s big poop. It smells like big poop.

10. Seals fight over the same rock. Even when there are two seals and twenty rocks. It’s a lot like having a Sissy.

Under the Stairs

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Our new house has an under the stairs room. You know, like Harry Potter. One of those cool cut out spaces tucked in the basement just waiting for your imagination. Our house in Illinois had one, too. It doubled as American Girl Land and our tornado shelter. At least we had stuff to play with when the sirens were going off.

Yesterday at breakfast Sissy and Piper were making plans for their new under the stairs room. They want it to be a hideout. Something new. Something private. Adults aren’t allowed. “Why can’t we have the whole basement?” Piper asked.

“Dad will have his office down there. And we need a guest room, too,” I said. Dad works from home three days a week. And we have a lot of visitors. “But the under the stairs room is all yours.”

“In fact,” Dad said, “we were thinking you both would just live in the under the stairs room and leave the upstairs bedrooms for us.” Sissy rolled her eyes. She knows to never take him seriously. Piper played along, though.

“What? You’re going to lock us in the under the stairs room? Just like Harry Potter!” Piper feigned outrage and panic. It was quite a performance.

“Don’t worry. We’ll still bring you food,” Dad reassured them. Sissy rolled her eyes again.

“Well,” Piper said, reaching across the table for Sissy’s hand, “at least we’ll be together.”

Modern Day Nomads

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We’re moving. Again. 13th time is the charm, right? It’s still exciting. Not the packing, of course, but the idea that this time we may stay somewhere more than five minutes. We’re not running from the law or anything. Each move has seemed completely rational at the time: jobs, school, opportunities. It’s just when I add them all up I realize that the nomadic lifestyle may not be what’s best for Sissy and Piper. So, this move finally feels permanent. Whew.

Last night at dinner we were discussing the logistics of the move (did I mention it’s only a few weeks away? Aah!). “Do we have to pack everything or will we have movers?” Sissy asked. She knows this drill well.

“We’re only moving two blocks, so I think we’ll move most of it ourselves,” I said. “We’ll get help with the furniture and piano.”

“Can I bring my stuffed animals?” Piper asked.

“Absolutely. We’re taking everything,” I said.

“Can I live with you when I grow up, too?”

“You can live with me, P,” Sissy offered. Whew, again.

“Thanks, Sissy. Can my boyfriend come to?”

“No. Just you. You can be weird Aunt Piper in the basement,” Sissy said. “My kids will love you.”

“Thanks, Sissy. I’ll bring my stuffed animals, too.”

Want Some Candy?

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Piper sold her Halloween candy. Not all of it, of course. Her dentist buys back the sugar for $2 a pound. Isn’t that cool? So Piper and Sissy sat and sorted the hard candy definitely rot your teeth stuff from the chocolate maybe rot your teeth stuff and hauled it to the good doctor. “You think he knows that’s not all of it?” Piper whispered. I said he probably did. He handed over $2 bills anyway and entered their names into a drawing for $100. Then the real negotiations began.

“Sissy, if you win the $100, will you split it with me?” Piper asked.

“No, but I’ll give you some if I win if you give me some if you win,” Sissy countered.

“Like how much?”

“Like 70-30.”

“How about 60-60?”

“That doesn’t make sense, Piper.”

“Okay. Deal.”

Paty Kerry Live

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Halloween happened. Paty Kerry was live in our home for a whole day. She sang through breakfast. She danced on her way to school. She posed for fans at her class party.

She performed on command at the Halloween Parade.

But no matter how big Paty Kerry got on Halloween, she didn’t forget the little guy.

“Dad,” Paty Kerry said, as she was walking out the door for trick or treating, “since you don’t have a costume, you can be part of my paparazzi.”

Happy Halloween

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It’s that time of year when we take the knife to the pumpkin flesh and make dreams come true. The tools are sharpened. The pan is oiled for seed roasting. Our pumpkin carnage plans are drawn. Let the slicing begin. First, Princess Leia emerged with her famous side braid ear muffs. Piper colored mini white gourds black and Daddy attached them with nails.

Then Paty Kerry took the stage.

Sissy did her hair. Here’s a side profile so you can get the full effect.

Then we roasted their innards. With sea salt and chipolte. Yum.

And the pumpkin gals hung out together.

I have to wonder if one day some little girl somewhere will be presented with her first pumpkin to carve and declare “Let’s make a Piper!”

Storm Prepping II

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We’re waiting. And waiting. Waiting for Sandy. Storm prepping has been done for days. We’re all bedded down in the basement like it’s a grand slumber party. Schools are closed. The city is shut down. Flashlights are ready. We’ll be carving pumpkins by candlelight.

Piper’s planning, too. “Mom, I have a great idea. Why don’t you ground us now from the TV? That way when the power goes out and we can’t watch it, it’ll be punishment.”

“But you haven’t done anything wrong, P? Why would I ground you?” For the record, Piper has never necessitated a grounding. Sissy was grounded for about five minutes. Once.

“Yeah,” Piper said, continuing her scheme, “but you could ground us now for a future grounding and then we’d not watch TV and it can count for a future punishment.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Piper,” Sissy said.