Category Archives: Antics and Adventures

Dear Paty Kerry

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Dear Paty Kerry,

My daughter, Piper, wants to be you. She’s five-years-old and is one of your biggest fans. In fact, for Halloween, Piper wants to wear a costume that she’s designed to be Paty Kerry.

It’s not just your blue hair that she adores. She understands your love of all things glitter. She feels that you are a kindred spirit. Piper likes to dress in costumes every day, just like you. She loves singing and dancing, just like you. And she believes in magical places, like the kind of that you invent on stage. When Piper sings “Firework,” she channels your energy and believes she really can go Boom, Boom, Boom. In fact, Piper’s birthday is just a few days past July 4th and she thinks that song was written just for its occasion.

I do steer Piper away, though, from some of your more mature lyrics. But mostly I just manage to keep them contained to our home. She’s in kindergarten after all and far from her first teenage dream, if you know what I mean. She hasn’t started kissing anyone yet, let alone girls and liking it. I’d love more G rated material from you by the way. It would really make my job easier. Piper doesn’t get most of what your lyrics say, but it’s a bit disarming to see her belt out Baby, let’s go all the way tonight on her walk to school. Fortunately, Piper thinks in your skin tight jeans is in your skim milk jeans, which is much more nutritious and probably explains why you can get into those jeans anyway.

And here’s Piper’s country version:

So if you decide you need a five-year-old back up singer on your next tour, Piper’s ready and waiting.

Sincerely,

Piper’s Mom

P.S. I do realize your name is actually Katy Perry but not according to Piper. Sorry.

Thumbs Up for Rice Krispies

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A Piper doesn’t do blue jeans. They’re too stiff. She refuses to unbutton and zip. Tutus don’t easily slip over blue jeans and dancing is inhibited. So there.

Yet the leaves are changing and it’s starting to get cool. Blue jeans keep you warm. So yesterday we hauled out the hand-me-downs to add some layers to Piper’s tutu collection. Sissy made it into a fashion show. We blasted Lady Gaga and assessed new outfits with thumbs up and thumbs down. It was fun. At first. Piper gave everything a thumbs down. Too many blue jeans. Too many plain turtlenecks (Sissy was a bit more practical in her kindergarten fashion). Piper agreed to a few knit pants but only the ones with flowers, Eiffel Tower prints, and rainbows. The shirts were boring. The blue jeans were impossible. Piper was grumpy. So was I. Then she turned on Sissy. “Why couldn’t you like dresses and skirts?” she accused. “Now look what I have to deal with!” Sissy just rolled her eyes at her sister’s fussiness.

“Mom, you know what we need?” Sissy said.

“A shopping spree paid for by someone else?” In my mind I was trying to come up with a compromise between all the free hand-me-downs I’d laundered and stored and Piper’s fashion demands.

“Rice krispie treats.”

“Okay. A break would be good.” We pulled on fall jackets and walked to the store for the essentials. Along the way Piper was a little chilled. Bare legs in brisk fall weather will do that to you.

We made the rice krispies. We ate the rice krispies. Piper told us that marshmallows are harvested from the clouds. Sissy said, “Boy is she going to be disappointed when she learns about the water cycle.”

With bellies full of rice krispies we went back to abandoned clothes piles. Piper was more agreeable. I was more patient. Piper picked one pair of hot pink blue jeans with an elastic waist. She picked long sleeve t-shirts and tights that she could wear with her tutus. I showed her how we could layer all of her favorite rainbow t-shirts over the turtlenecks. Then we went back to finish off the rice krispie pan.

Popping Popcorn Pops

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Piper went on her first kindergarten field trip last week. They travelled by school bus to a local farm. This was Piper’s take home haul.

She was quite proud of how much she learned. When I asked her if she’d had fun, she unpacked her goods onto the floor and Professor Piper delivered the following lecture:

“First we’re going to discuss this cotton. See, it’s a pod. This will bloom. There’s cotton in there. They grow it in the fields on the farm. That’s how we get clothes. You’ll see.”

Then Piper picked up her pumpkin and demonstrated how you properly pick a pumpkin from the patch. It’s not as easy as it looks. It takes strategy.

“Finally, this is an ear of corn. We’ll be making popcorn from this. You’ll be helping me, Mom. You’ll need to be patient. Popcorn popping takes time. Then we’ll eat it.”

So, we did, of course. I’d never popped popcorn from the cob. It’s remarkably easy. Piper and I watched a demo on YouTube before we began. We took the corn and put it in a brown bag. Then we closed the bag and put it in the microwave. Then Piper climbed up on the counter and pushed the “popcorn” button. Then we did a popcorn dance while we waited for the popcorn to pop. “It makes it taste better,” Piper reassured me while we listened to the kernels burst. Then we dumped out the fluffy white popcorn into a bowl and ate our feast. Professor Piper gave it an A+.

And the Winner is…

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Piper hears a lot of political talk in her average day. There is the election, of course. And we live in Washington, D.C. She’s also exposed to a wide range of opinions. The people in our house rarely agree on politics and it is always at the dinner table. Not surprisingly, Piper has come to her own conclusions about Baback Omama and McRomney, as she calls them, erroneous as they may be.

She didn’t watch the presidential debates, though. It was past her bedtime. But she did ask about their outcome. I don’t know that it matters whose team you’re on. A victor was declared. We delivered the honest truth.

“Oh no,” Piper said. She put her head down on the table in defeat. Then she popped back up. “Wait. If McRomney wins, does that mean we have to buy a bunch of guns?”

Lexicon

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Piper is reading a lot these days. She’ll tell you her lexicon is expanding. Lexicon is one of her favorite words from Word Girl.

But I’ve noticed that Piper’s lexicon is limited to only those words that she likes.

She can read the regulars: to, the, it, go, I, and, etc. The little words aren’t a problem.

It’s bigger words that she struggles to sound out: work, sleep, pick up, nap. No matter how many times we repeat them, Piper doesn’t add these words to her lexicon. She won’t even try to sound them out, and she’ll often substitute a “more fun” word for those.

There are words equally as challenging that she has no problem remembering, though: play, toys, fun, park. She can also read every dog name in the book: Mudge, Biscuit, Martha. Per Piper’s request, we read a lot of dog books.

Hmm. I’m sensing a pattern. Like most things, it appears Piper’s lexicon will entirely her own.

All Teched Out and Nowhere to Go

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Piper’s daddy got a new toy. It’s the IPhone 5. He knows how to share his toys, though. He likes to pass down his used ones to those less fortunate. I’m not interested, which leaves Sissy and Piper to duke it out for tech sloppy seconds. No thanks.

Tech toys is where my partner and I diverge. I’m more old school. Grab a book and read it. Grab a stuffed animal and make up a game. Go play in a sand box. Use your imagination. My partner likes to download games and buy gadgets. He gets books on the IPad that read out loud to our kids. Boo. I like to cuddle up with a book and take turns reading books out loud together. Sissy and Piper do way better voices than that IPad version.

Tonight I found our luddite and high tech worlds colliding. Piper was playing with her stuffed animals as I’d suggested, but she made them do this:

Her stuffed animals are Skyping. The elephant is also multi tasking with her phone. And that pink fox should know better than putting his soda near the laptop. Liquids near the technology never ends well. Piper has learned that lesson the hard way.

“But if they’re so close together, why do they need to Skype?” I asked.

Piper rolled her eyes. “Duh. Because they can.”

You Gotta Start ‘Em Young

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Piper put her game face on Saturday night. The Noles were playing.

We take college football seriously in this house. Or at least we dress that way.

Piper enjoys the football snacks. She likes watching her Daddy jump off the couch and shout at the television. She likes staying up past her bedtime. She loves doing the war chant. She doesn’t waste her time keeping track of pesky things like the score. Just pass more pretzels, please.

Santa the Bearded Pirate

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Piper has been mixing up her holidays lately. She keeps asking people “What are you going to dress up as for Christmas?” when she means “What are you going to be for Halloween?” Most roll with it or seem not to notice. We’re all in the fall holiday spirit. We’re planning costumes. The leaves are starting to turn in D.C. We’ve got a big fat pumpkin on our kitchen table.

Today Piper announced that she’s decided to be a pirate for Christmas, which is actually hilarious if you think about it. Wouldn’t that liven up the Secret Santa exchange? We can all wear eye patches when we go caroling? Although the combination of swords and wassail may be dangerous.

“Yes! A pirate,” Piper declared, “instead of ho ho ho I’ll say argh argh argh!”

Bling and More Bling

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In addition to rainbows, Piper enjoys her bling. She’s always been a bit of a girlie girl. Thus the tutus, sparkly shoes, and glittery headbands. Every morning she stands at the mirror with me and dabs on some blush while I’m getting ready for work. Then she walks to the jewelry box, looks me up and down, and selects the perfect accessory. More is always more. If it were up to Piper, I’d wear three necklaces and six bracelets every day. And if earrings don’t dangle, what’s the point? Bling is just another way Piper expresses her big personality and her fashionista style.

On my recent trip for work I skipped the toy store when I was souvenir shopping. It was a first. Instead I perused clothing boutiques in downtown Savannah and jewelry carts along the way. It was a touch job, but I suffered through the fun. I found a purple scarf with peace signs for Sissy and this for Piper:

I know, right? It’s rainbow. It’s made of wooden beads. It wraps around P’s little wrist perfectly. It’s a more is more kind of bracelet that’s easy to wear. She LOVES it. It was a risk to forego the obligatory plastic toy, but Piper jumped up and down when she saw it. The bracelet hasn’t left her wrist since.

Yesterday Piper wore her new rainbow bracelet to school. “It’s five bracelets in one!” she told her friends. They didn’t believe her, so she had to demo how to accessorize again and again. Her classmates were in awe. “It’s hard for them to understand” Piper said, “because most of them aren’t as fashionable as me.” Touche.

Clown. Witch. Ghost. None of the Above.

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Halloween is upon us. At least that what my mail full of costume catalogs indicates. Piper can’t decide what she wants to be. It’s a daily drama. “I want to be a cowgirl. No. I want to be Dorothy from Wizard of Odd (you read that right). No. Maybe I’ll be a turtle. Or a fairy.” It goes on and on.

Sissy’s decided, though. “I think I’ll go as Piper (you read that right, too).”

I hadn’t realized that Piper has become a Halloween persona.

“Oh, that will be hard,” Piper said.

“Why? All I need is a tutu and rainbow stuff,” Sissy said.

Piper looked down at her tutu and rainbow shirt. She may have noticed her rainbow striped pants and sparkly headband. You know, dear reader, that I let Piper dress herself and sometimes I have to admit that she does look like she’s wearing a costume.

“Oh know. You’ll have to have the tutu, the rainbow shirt, the colorful bracelets, the braids, the jeweled headband, the sparkly sandals, the tattoos, the rainbow puppy underwear, and all the other stuff.”

“That’s a lot,” Sissy said.

“It’s not easy being a Piper. I don’t just come in a catalog, you know.”