Miss Manners

Piper’s been learning about manners this week at school.  Her teacher took the opportunity to suggest some etiquette among the unruly kindergarten masses.

Piper is taking the manners very seriously and correcting our trespasses freely. This from a child who still leaves the bathroom door open so she can talk to us if she gets bored from the potty throne.

“Due to my recent manners training, Mom, I’ve decided to stop picking my nose,” Piper said.

“Sounds good to me,” I nodded.

“But only at the dinner table.”

What’s On Your Plate?

It’s a little slow around here, especially compared to the marathon that is the holidays. Today there weren’t any presents to wrap or unwrap. No holiday cards to address (Oh, who am I kidding? Tiny Prints does all the work for me). No holiday tunes to belt out. We said goodbye to the beach and flew home with sand in our suitcases. I’m hoping the fairies show up soon and wrap each ornament individually and put away the tree. Le Sigh.

So Piper and I spent some time this afternoon mulling the new year over a bowl of spaghetti. It’s what she asked for when she came in the door from her first day back to school. “Mom, I had a great day,” Piper announced, creating a pile one foot from the door of backpack, coat, mittens, scarf, lunchbox, hat. “Now, I need some spaghetti. Bolognese sauce, please.” I understand. I had made the same thing earlier for lunch. Great minds think alike. The new year needs comfort food. Parmesan makes everything better.

Piper ate and told me about her new school project called “What’s on your plate?” where she’ll be learning how food actually gets onto her plate. It’s her first big research project. She’ll create a Power Point. She’ll present it by herself to an audience of parents. There will be cookies, of course, but she’ll know that the cookies are made from flour which comes from wheat which is grown in the ground. It’s cool stuff. I’m pretty sure I sat and made Playdoh snakes my entire kindergarten year. Times have changed.

“I’m really starting to think about my food, you know?” Piper said, gazing down into her spaghetti goodness. “Like this came from you, right?”

“I boiled the pasta and made the sauce, but I didn’t grow the wheat myself,” I admitted. “I bought the pasta from a store. Someone else grew the tomatoes.”

Piper twirled a good amount around her fork and sprinkled on more cheese, which comes from cows and is aged two years in Italy’s Parmigiano-Reggiano region.

“Well, wherever it came from, I like the sound spaghetti makes when I slurp it,” she said, smacking her lips together for effect. “It sounds like someone is KISSING!”

Sweet 16

One of Piper’s favorite holiday gifts was this thing:

It’s a unicorn. It’s a night light. It’s a pillow. What more could a Piper want?

If you’ve watched any kid’s shows lately on t.v., you’ve probably seen the unicorn pillow pet night light advertised. Piper fell for the propaganda.

“I wanted one of these SOOO bad!” Piper exclaimed as she ripped open the wrapping paper. Grandma and Grandpa watched in adoration.

“See?” Grandma whispered to Grandpa. “Told ya so!”

“I watched all those commercials and wanted this unicorn pillow pet dream light SOOO bad,” Piper said. “But you had to be 16 years old to order it and I’m only 5. The commercial said you had to be 16 or have your parent’s permission. I knew they’d never approve.”

“You could have just pretended to be 16, you know. They’d never know,” Cousin Jillian said. Piper’s eyes grew wide.

“Really?” Piper asked. “I should have done that. Darn. I didn’t know you could do that! That changes EVERYTHING.”

Holiday Hits

A few holiday piperisms from the road…

“I heard sleigh bells in the middle of the night. I closed my eyes real tight. Santa doesn’t know when you’re faking it.”

“Ah! I fell down! Now I’m damaged! And my limbs do not work properly.”

“Papa, you smell just like my Daddy. He smells like pizza, too.”

“Alright, Santa. I’m ready for next year. Let the list begin.”

“I really like the beach. Except for the sand part.”

And here’s Piper’s vintage holiday dress from Germany:

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Charades

Every Christmas Eve Piper, Sissy, and their cousins put on a holiday program. The planning takes the entire week leading up the event. There are negotiations and rehearsals. There is a band, interpretive dances, sing-a-longs, poetry readings, mini-dramas, etc. The Bible is read. The 12 Days of Christmas is performed. We try to limit the holiday program to under an hour. Sometimes we need an intermission.

This year, charades were added. When it was Piper’s turn she obediently sat in a chair in the middle of the circle and asked questions.

“Am I a girl or a boy?”

“Boy!” the crowd roared back.

“Am I an animal?”

There was a pause. “Technically, yes,” someone called out.

“Do I like Christmas?”

“Yes!”

Piper squinted her eyes and assessed the family. “Am I real or fake?”

“REAL!” we all shouted.

“I know,” Piper exclaimed, jumping up from her chair, “I’m Santa Claus!”

And the crowd went wild.

Merry Sickness

It wouldn’t be the holidays if Piper weren’t sick. There was the Christmas Day when she was two that we spent in the Emergency Room. There was the Christmas Eve when her fever was so high she doesn’t remember the festivities. There was the New Years Eve of strep throat. Oh, and who could forget the holiday round of pink eye. Sigh. We have always flown and traveled for the holidays. We kiss and hug the germy masses. We spread our own kind of viral cheer. It wouldn’t be Christmas if Piper wasn’t coughing.

“How are you feeling?” I asked this morning. I checked her forehead. No fever. I looked down her throat. It wasn’t red. I put my ear to her back and listened to her cough. It’s just a cold. I gave her more vitamin C and made her a cup of her favorite Orange Spice tea.

“I feel loved,” Piper said. Cough cough. I asked after her physical health and she gave me her emotional report. “You know, Mom. You’re the right kind of mom for a girl like me.” Cough cough. Sniff. Hug.

Praise to the Piggies

Piper went to the spa yesterday for the first time. She had her nails done. There were manis and pedis and aunts and cousins.

She picked out her polish. Pink and sparkly pink.

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Then the painting began. “Hold still!” Piper’s polisher commanded.

“This is as still as I get,” Piper informed her. Holding still is not one of Piper’s talents.

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After the painting of nails, there was much “drying.” Piper draped herself over chairs and stools for the sake of “drying.” It took a very long time. She was committed to the outcome, though.

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The “drying” brought about one of those conflicting motherhood moments. I tend toward a policy of containment when it comes to Piper, but the masses find her so adorable that her behavior is encouraged. “Oh, let her be. She’s fine,” I’m told again and again when I try to make Piper aware of other people. The masses usually win.

Post drying, Piper climbed up in my pedicure chair with me. It was the only thing in the spa she had yet to explore. Oh, the buttons. The remote controlled massage chair. “I really like the butt bumps,” Piper said, selecting a lower back massage.

“Now, let’s admire our toes,” she said. And we did.

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Gingerbread People

It’s cookie making time, folks. First, you roll out the dough with your Sissy.

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Then, you cut out the gingerbread “people.”

“I don’t know why they’re just gingerbread men, Mom. That seems so unfair,” Piper complained.

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Next, you decorate your genderless cookies. Piper’s gingerbread are a patriotic bunch. The more red, white, and blue icing, the better.

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Finally, you eat them. It’s an equal opportunity snack.

Super Powers

If Piper was a super hero, she’d be known for her Pipeyness. Pipeyness is hard to define but it’s easy to detect. It’s a way of being, a powerful force.

“Pipeyness is a lame super power,” Piper said.

“No way. Pipeyness is the best super power ever,” Sissy disagreed. Sissy is president and CEO of the Piper fan club. Most of the time.

Yesterday at Universal Studios Piper met all of her favorite superheroes. Spider-Man. X-Man. Wolverine. And the “tough girls,” too.

“See those Super Women, Mom? They’re so tough they don’t even need weapons!”

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