Tag Archives: funny things kids say

Go for the Green

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Piper’s new kindergarten teacher is a keeper. When Piper grew bored of coloring in her behavior report every day with the same boring green crayon, she let her color the square rainbow. “You’re in charge of you,” Mrs. Adams told her, “you know if you behaved, don’t you?” Piper did. 

When I met Mrs. Adams for the first time, I gushed about how glad we were that she’d shown up for her second day, too. My standards are now that low after Dear Kindergarten Teacher and Help Wanted.

Piper declared Mrs. Adams to be a good hugger. “You kind of just fall into her. I think she’s hugged a lot.”

Mrs. Adams had a positive report, too. “Oh, Piper!” she said. “I get her. I really do.”

And that’s good enough for me.

And the Crowd Goes Wild!

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Piper’s been her own little cheering squad lately. The girl’s got self esteem of steel. “And the crowd goes wild!” has become her catch phrase. I’m not sure where she picked it up but it seems here to stay. Wherever Piper goes and whatever task she accomplishes, that crowd is right there waiting.

This afternoon Piper buckled herself into her booster seat. All by herself. Then she shouted “And the crowd goes wild!” and gave herself a high five.

I heard a “And the crowd goes wild!” from the bathroom. I didn’t investigate.

She clears her plate from the kitchen table “And the crowd goes wild!” I mean, I’m happy. Don’t get me wrong. Piper’s certainly old enough for chores but this crowd seems pretty easy to please to me.

P.S. We’re meeting Piper’s new kindergarten teacher today! “And the crowd goes wild!”

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

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It’s not really a surprise that Piper’s favorite part of kindergarten so far is recess. Since she still doesn’t have a “real” teacher (still waiting, tapping my foot impatiently), there is a lot of recess time. I’m not complaining. Yet. Piper has declared kindergarten awesome because “it’s as fun as preschool without all that boring reading and writing.” Grr. Reality may hit pretty hard once “real” teacher shows up.

In the mean time, Piper plays a lot of a game called “Chasing Carter.” She was astounded one day on the playground to see Carter, a former preschool classmate, on the SAME playground. How can that possibly be? He was at the OTHER school and now he’s at THIS school. This quandry amazes Piper. I’ve pointed out that she, too, was at the OTHER school and now she’s at THIS school, but Piper is not known for her rationality. Here’s how Piper describes “Chasing Carter”:

“So, I see Carter, right? Madeline and I go up to him and say ‘Hey, Carter. Wanna play?’ and he runs.”

“What do you do?”

“We chase him.”

“That sounds like fun. Did you catch him?”

“No,” Piper says, “Carter doesn’t want to play.”

“But it sounds like he’s playing. I thinking you and Madeline chasing him is the game.”

“Nope,” she says, shaking her head, “he doesn’t want to play. That’s why he runs.”

“Does he scream and run away? Or yell at you to stop chasing him?”

“Not really. He yells ‘Chasing Carter’ and runs.”

“Then what do you do?” I ask.

“I chase him.”

You’d Be Broccoli

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A Piper likes to categorize her world. It gives her comfort. It’s also decent practice for the analogy section on the SAT. You can never start too young.

Yesterday, on the drive home from church, Piper piped up with a new set of categories. I mean, we have our Cutie Marks and all, but we hadn’t considered the array of fruits and vegetables we could be.

“Mom,” Piper said, “you’d be broccoli.”

“Broccoli?”

“Yeah. ‘Cuz you’re good for us.”

“And what would you be, P?”

She was quiet in the backseat, thinking over her options. We all know it’s not a tomato. She definitely didn’t want to be the dreaded broccoli, either. Yuck.

“I’d be a blueberry,” she declared. “I’m tiny and juicy.”

Call of the Cutie

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I wish that my knowledge of My Little Pony were not so vast and varied but it is. I owe it all to Piper. She’s spent a good part of the summer catching up on Friendship is Magic episodes. She’s memorized each complex plot line and adopted new vocabulary from the shows. She’s learned to read a dozen words on the screen so that she can select episodes for multiple viewings.  One of her favorites is “Call of the Cutie” in which each pony is awarded their own special “cutie mark.” I can’t make stuff like this up. Here’s the gripping episode teaser:

First your flank is blank. Then one day, you get your cutie mark! How can Apple Bloom get this sign that shows what makes her special? When will it happen?

If you really must know the answer, you can find the My Little Pony channel on You Tube and finish the episode. Or you can just call Piper and she’ll explain every single detail.

Piper’s assigned each of us our very own “cutie mark,” too. It’s how she likes to define people. Grandpa’s “cutie mark” would be a fishing pole. Grandma’s would be a sewing machine. Sissy’s is a book. Daddy’s is his IPhone. She gave me a heart. Ahhh.

“I wonder what my cutie mark would be?” she asked, assessing her naked backside to see if she already had a cutie mark. She doesn’t. Whew. “Maybe a dog? I do love dogs. Maybe a rainbow! Cuz I love rainbows.”

“Maybe a tutu?” I offered. Piper rolled her eyes. My suggestions these days are met with a lot of eye rolling.

“I know!” she exclaimed. “My cutie mark would be an exclamation point!”

“Do you know what an exclamation point is?” I asked. Surely, she hasn’t mastered punctuation yet.

“Sure. They’re all over the My Little Pony episodes. Whenever they have a sign or write a note it’s got that line and a dot that says they’re all excited. My cutie mark would be that!”

Sleeping Beauty Stalls…Again

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Aunt Angela was over for a rousing game of cards last night. Piper did everything she could to get us not to play. Grown ups playing cards means kids going to bed. Everyone knows that. The shuffling of the deck can only mean defeat.

“Want to play Go Fish?” Piper asked. Her voice had that strained cheeriness which means she’s about twenty seconds from a whining fit but knows if she does, it’s all over.

We played Go Fish.

“Want to sing songs?” Piper asked. She shoved the guitar in Daddy’s lap and generously brought him the song book.

We sang Bob Marley’s greatest hits.

“Want to see my rocks?” Piper asked. She dragged out her new gem collection and offered one to every adult on the porch.

We all picked out rocks and appropriately complimented them.

“Want to read books to me?” Piper asked, crawling up in Aunt Angela’s lap. Aunt Angela’s kids are at camp with Sissy. We’re all missing little people crawling up into our laps. Piper can smell our weakness.

Then she whispered in Aunt Angela’s ear, “I like reading books. Lots of them. It’s the best way to get to stay up later. Just ask for more chapters. Works every time.”

And it did.

Our Little Gold Digger

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We sent Piper to the mines yesterday. She’s been lazing about for five whole years. We figured it was time she learn what child labor is all about. And somebody has to help pay for Sissy’s fancy mountain camp. Geez.

Piper went on her mining expedition with her Nana and Papa to the world famous Elijah Mountain Gem Mine. They got their Little Miner’s bucket of dirt and began sifting. And sifting. And sifting. Mining treasures is hard work, but Piper persevered. “You know,” she said, “I’m just really good at this mining thing!”

Turns out, Piper has a knack for mining. She struck it rich! She came home with bags of genuine gem stones.

We set up our own gem cleaning station. Piper’s been hard at work ever since. She’s been washing, scrubbing, sorting. We’re not entirely sure what the glowing one in the bucket is. It’s either real gold or too much flash on the camera. Either way, Piper may have found her true calling.

On the Catwalk

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We’re visiting the grandparents this week. As I mentioned yesterday, Piper did her own packing.

After a long day’s drive, we arrived to a home cooked meal and a cozy cottage. The cousins were reunited. There were screams of delight and joyful hugs.

Then Piper climbed up on a kitchen stool next to Nana, looked her up and down, and declared, “Nana, you aren’t very fashionable.”

Nana busted out laughing. Then she explained that as a scientist who travels the world teaching about conservation she hadn’t really gotten around to fashion.

Piper listened intently. Then she said, “And Papa married you anyway?”

This from a girl who alternates her tutu daily.