When Piper isn’t fond of a plan or wants something, she speaks of herself in third person en masse.  It’s not her objecting, you see; it’s children in general filing a complaint. It’s not her making the request; it’s children in general who need chocolate chip ice cream for breakfast.

She did this quite well in Drunk Dialing or Something Like it during the hair brushing saga where “childrens get mad at their daddies.”  According to Piper, some children do not appreciate their daddies brushing their hair nor do those children approve of their daddies going away on business trips.

She filed this complaint this morning when she saw her daddy packing. Again. He’d just returned from California and was on his way to Chicago. “Please tell daddy three important things,” Piper began, holding up four fingers. “First, if he goes, I will cry. Second, if he goes, I will be sad. Third, if he goes, I will put a special gift in his bed to make him want to come back and then, I will be sad.”  I listened. I held the Piper close.

“It’s okay to be sad when your daddy goes away,” I told her.

“Know what daddies should do for their children?” she asked.

“What, Piper?”

“Daddies should bring their children pistachio ice cream when they’re sad. That makes the children feel better.”

I don’t know how he’s going to get the ice cream home from Chicago, but daddies better figure it out.