Everything I Know About Love I Learned From Planet Earth

Piper has decided we should be a family of sea otters. Last night we were cuddled up on the couch watching Planet Earth when we learned about the importance of body rubbing. You see, a family of sea otters practices body rubbing, which is exactly what it sounds like, to manage their furry coats and promote bonding.

“Let’s try it!” Piper said, wiggling her body and rubbing her head on my arm.

A fit of giggles ensued. Obviously. Bonding accomplished.

Miniature But Mighty

Piper, Sissy, and I are growing strawberries in our backyard. This morning Piper decided she was hungry for one so we went to inspect our harvest. This was the entire batch:photo-354

Did you miss it? Our thumb size strawberry?

It’s miniature but mighty. Just like Sissy and Piper.

“Mom, will you cut it in half for me?” Piper asked. “I don’t want to get full.”

Then she laughed herself silly at her own joke.

Sharks vs. Ghosts

Piper has been having nightmares. Kenny the Shark is to blame. Piper thinks he’s absolutely terrifying.

We don’t let her watch such violence at home, of course. She saw it during indoor recess. Discovery Channel needs and R rating, according to Piper’s imagination.

While I was trying to rationalize her irrational fear, she asked, “Mom, are sharks and ghosts real?”

“Well,” I answered, “sharks are real. Ghosts aren’t.”

“Ugh,” Piper said, “I was hoping you’d say ghosts are real. They’re so much less scary than sharks.”

My Life With Dogs, A Memoir

Piper is ready to write her memoir. She told me so at lunch.

“Mom, when I’m six, I’m going to write a book about my life. I’ve lived a lot, you know. And there will dogs in my book. Lots of dogs. I’ve petted a lot of dogs.”

True. Very true. All of it. Can’t wait to read it. I’ve even picked out the cover photo.


With a Flair for the Dramatic

“Mom, you really aren’t going to believe this!” Piper said, busting through the door at the dressing room at Kohl’s.

“Really?” I asked.

“Really. I just never thought it could happen.”


“All my dreams just came true.”

“Wow. Show me!”

“Okay. You should prepare yourself. Even I was amazed. Look!”


Be Careful Where You Sit

From Piper’s morning monologue…

“Dad, nobody wants to sit next to D in my class. He’s one of the booger boys.”

“The what?”

“The booger boys are a gang of boys who pick their boogers and wipe them places. Do not sit near them.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Also, D sucked on a crayon once. That does not help his cause.”

Here. Hold This.

I tell Piper every day that she is special. If you’re a fan of the Piper, you probably agree. She has many talents. Like making us laugh and not taking ourselves so seriously. Oh, and don’t forget her dance moves.

Apparently, I have skills, too.

“Mom, your special talent is holding things in your armpit. Whenever we go to the bathroom and I bring all my stuffed animals, you always hold them for me under your arm. You’ve got pit skills.”


Today was the last day of Spring Break. We decided to go big and invite friends over to play. A lot of them. Half the neighborhood or so. Our dining room table had so many kids at lunch we had to drag over the piano bench. There was a lot of giggling, multiple scavenger hunts, and plenty of screaming girls. It was perfect.

Piper and her friend, M, dragged out the toys we still haven’t unpacked in the basement. They found this:

The Little People’s Dream Mansion used to be Sissy and Piper’s favorite. It’s one of the many things I know they’ve outgrown but I can’t bring myself to part with. I got a little sentimental watching Piper and her friends play with it. Until I overheard them.

The sweet Little People had a bad case of diarrhea it seems. I’ll spare you the details. But Piper made her friend laugh so hard she gave her the hiccups. Piper has that effect on people. At one point I heard M beg for mercy. “Stop, Piper! My belly hurts from laughing so hard.”

“Oh, that’s nothing,” Piper said. “Have you ever laughed so hard you peed your pants?”

M’s eyes got big. She shook her head no.

“Don’t worry,” Piper said. “We have all afternoon.”

Congratulations! It’s a healthy guitar.

There is a lot of music in our house. Piano, guitars, drums, flute, tambourines, bongos. It’s a noisy place. It’s a lot of fun. We’re working on our family band. A Piper loves her microphone.

Sissy got her very own guitar for her birthday this year. Last night while Sissy and Piper were sleeping, we hung up the guitars. When Piper came down for breakfast she blinked hard at the wall. Then she announced, “Our guitars had a baby!”