“Mom, have you seen my sock?”
“What’s it look like, P?”
“It’s small and it fits on my foot.”
“Thanks. I meant what color is it? Where did you take it off?”
“Oh. I was dancing in the kitchen and some of my clothes flew off.”
“They flew off, Piper?”
“Sort of. I was dancing pretty hard. Wait. There it is. It’s up on the bird art on the wall. Silly sock.”
Piper got stuck again. This was a little different than my last stuck post “Stuck in a Compromising Position.” This one had an extra element of danger and intrigue.
A new grocery store opened in our downtown, so we decided to take a stroll through after dinner. We’re wild party animals aren’t we? I mean, who checks out a new grocery store for fun, right? Geez. Piper thought it was Christmas, though. She was so excited to run the aisles and see the goods. I had to keep reminding her “We’re just looking, P. This isn’t shopping. We just want to see what they have.”
Anyway, we went through the first set of automatic sliding glass doors together. Then the second set opened to deliver us to produce. Piper was dallying a bit behind because she wanted to see everything. And touch everything. And pick up everything. The second set of doors closed behind me and I turned around to see a wall of glass behind me and P. The first set had closed, too, so Piper was stuck in a little glass cage. I swung my arms wide on my side thinking maybe the sensors worked. They didn’t. Piper smiled through the glass. Then she swung her arms wide, too, but nothing happened. She was too short to activate the sensors. She pointed behind her to ask if she should go out the other way. I pressed my hands to the glass and mouthed “NO!” The parking lot with zooming cars was on the other side. We stared at each other a moment more. Then Piper began dancing. I’m not sure if she was actually trying to activate the motion sensors and open the door or if the moment was just ripe for dancing. You never know with P. Either way, the glass doors still didn’t budge. So she danced more and added ballet leaps. The leaps must have done it. Mid-pirouette the doors slid open and Piper danced her way in produce.
“That was cool, Mom. I like this store already,” she said.
“Mommy, sometimes when I’m dancing, I fall,” Piper says.
“But that never stops me from dancing.”
It may be a mixed blessing that Piper misunderstands Lady Gaga lyrics, especially since she likes to belt them out on the playground and teach her peers Gaga like dance moves. First, a disclaimer. I do not endorse nor recommend that young impressionable children listen to inappropriate music intended for adults’ ears. But if you’ve heard a Lady Gaga song and didn’t bust a move, more power to you. Piper writes her own lyrics anyway, so I haven’t yet had to explain that love can be fun and healthy even if it’s not rough and that you don’t have to get your guy high just to show him what you got. I do lecture at length about the Gaga’s grammar errors, but that’s a post for another day. So, in case you were wondering, here is what the Gaga is really saying. Feel free to sing along.
“Pokerface” Curry my, curry my (Who doesn’t love a little curry, right?). Pucker face. (Cue fish lips). Ma ma ma ma pucker face. My pucker face. Wait..is it Piper face, mom? Is that what the Gaga is singing? (Piper calls her “the” Gaga out of respect).
“Bad Romance” Ra ah ra ah ah ah. Bad RoNancy. (That Nancy has terrible luck in love).
“Monster” That boy is a monster. Stop! Can’t touch this! (MC Hammer often interrupts and totally should if you’re dating a monster).
“Telephone” Stop calling. Stop calling. I don’t want to walk anymore. I’m kind of dancing. Kind of dancing. (Here’s a video of what Piper means by “kind of dancing.” You may want to put down your drink):
Those voices you hear in the background are my parents, who took Piper out to dinner that night, cheering her antics on.