Category Archives: Blasts from the Past

Piper Ruins Your Lunch

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Dear Parent of Terrified Child at Piper’s Lunch Table,

I’m writing to apologize if Piper scared your kid today when she told them that they’d probably DIE from those colorful fruit twist things filled with DYE. We’re working with her on homophones. Oh, and I’m sincerely sorry for Piper’s criticism of your kid’s lunch selection. If you consider a balanced meal to be “fruit snacks,” and I do intend those as air quotes, potato chips, soda, and a lollipop, you have that right. I don’t know where she gets her judgmental tone. Sorry, again.

Sincerely,

The Mother Who Says No to Rainbow Treats Not Found in Nature

http://www.cspinet.org/fooddyes/

Sometimes You Get What You Need

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“Mommy, I’m going to tell you a story.  Close your eyes so you can see it.  Ready? Once upon a time there was a lion.  He had these lines on his lion forehead.  Like yours, see?”  Piper reaches over to trace my furrowed brow, gently running each finger along a crease I didn’t know I had. “But the lion became a mouse and mice have tiny little foreheads.  So, the lines went away.  See?  Yours are gone now, too.”  She smoothes her hand over my calm face and pats my cheek. “The end.”

Baby Jesus Rides the Metrobus

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This is what happens when you move a Piper to the city.  Public transportation becomes her norm.  And, really, why wouldn’t the Holy Family utilize the convenience of the Metrobus? She’s almost got the whole nativity scene safely buckled and ready to cruise downtown.  Jesus is properly positioned in the back seats where children belong.  Mary seems to be upfront supervising the wise men, which I’m sure those rascals need. When I asked Piper where she was going to sit, the answer was obvious. “Duh, Mom.  I’ll be driving.” Of course she will.