Dear Parent of Terrified Child at Piper’s Lunch Table,
I’m writing to apologize if Piper scared your kid today when she told them that they’d probably DIE from those colorful fruit twist things filled with DYE. We’re working with her on homophones. Oh, and I’m sincerely sorry for Piper’s criticism of your kid’s lunch selection. If you consider a balanced meal to be “fruit snacks,” and I do intend those as air quotes, potato chips, soda, and a lollipop, you have that right. I don’t know where she gets her judgmental tone. Sorry, again.
Sincerely,
The Mother Who Says No to Rainbow Treats Not Found in Nature
piperism 
Its like when my mom only liked us to eat the brown m&ms because they were the natural chocolate color. When I got in college, I found out that the other colors pretty much taste the same. Kudos to consciousness moms.
This mom business is tough stuff, Crystal. Thanks for reading!