It may be a mixed blessing that Piper misunderstands Lady Gaga lyrics, especially since she likes to belt them out on the playground and teach her peers Gaga like dance moves. First, a disclaimer. I do not endorse nor recommend that young impressionable children listen to inappropriate music intended for adults’ ears. But if you’ve heard a Lady Gaga song and didn’t bust a move, more power to you. Piper writes her own lyrics anyway, so I haven’t yet had to explain that love can be fun and healthy even if it’s not rough and that you don’t have to get your guy high just to show him what you got. I do lecture at length about the Gaga’s grammar errors, but that’s a post for another day. So, in case you were wondering, here is what the Gaga is really saying. Feel free to sing along.
“Pokerface” Curry my, curry my (Who doesn’t love a little curry, right?). Pucker face. (Cue fish lips). Ma ma ma ma pucker face. My pucker face. Wait..is it Piper face, mom? Is that what the Gaga is singing? (Piper calls her “the” Gaga out of respect).
“Bad Romance” Ra ah ra ah ah ah. Bad RoNancy. (That Nancy has terrible luck in love).
“Monster” That boy is a monster. Stop! Can’t touch this! (MC Hammer often interrupts and totally should if you’re dating a monster).
“Telephone” Stop calling. Stop calling. I don’t want to walk anymore. I’m kind of dancing. Kind of dancing. (Here’s a video of what Piper means by “kind of dancing.” You may want to put down your drink):
Those voices you hear in the background are my parents, who took Piper out to dinner that night, cheering her antics on.