Bribery and Other Silly Parenting Tricks

Back when I was superior parent a.k.a before I actually became one, I thought bribing a child was wrong. What kind of simpleton would be persuaded by a cookie?  What loser would sink to the level of buying a child’s behavior?


Me. That’s who. And my partner, too. We bribe selectively. Judge all you want.

Piper’s dad made a tofu stir fry for dinner tonight.  He’s that kind of guy, and I’m grateful he’s that kind of guy.  The girls chose the veggies: carrots, broccoli, celery, red peppers. Piper’s dad wanted them to branch out in the sauce department.  Piper and Sissy are tamari/soy sauce kind of girls. They put it on everything. He offered other dipping varieties: peanut, sweet and sour, and plum honey. He even offered them in adorable serving dishes.

Yum, right? Piper said no. He tried reasoning with her. “How do you know what you’ll like if you don’t try something new?” Piper said no. So, he offered them a dollar each to try all three.  Money talks in our house. Bribes work. There are lalaloopsys to buy, after all. They tried them. Piper loved the plum honey sauce.  Sissy was won over by the sweet and sour. Raucous dipping began. Veggies and tofu disappeared. They each got their dollar. Sissy then moved on to more mature topics than bribing.

“What happens if you rip money?” she asked.

“Money is legal tender. You can get in trouble for destroying it,” Dad said. “Why?”

Cue ripping sound. Piper tore her dollar into two. “Is that true?” she asked, waving the bills in the air.

Dad’s basking in bribery glory was cut short. “Um. I’m going to get some tape.”

If bribery fails to fix it, there’s always tape and super glue.

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