We introduced Piper to the Goonies last night. It may not have been our best parenting move, but we were too far in by the time we realized what was a classic from our own childhoods was inappropriate by today’s childhood standards. Don’t get me wrong. I love the Goonies. But I remember watching it about 50 times one summer when I was Sissy and Piper’s ages unsupervised. I still quote from the Goonies on a daily basis. I had forgotten the cursing, which my kids aren’t accustomed to. I had forgotten the sexism (“Oh, let HER mother worry about it,” Brand’s mother says of his make out session with Andy. Gulp.) The good of the Goonies still outweighs the not so good, but I just didn’t remember. My childhood lens was so much less innocent than my children’s. Gulp again.
Piper found the good, though. She fell hard for Sloth. Every time he came on the screen, Piper fell into a puddle of giggles on the couch. She couldn’t catch her breath she was laughing so hard. “I just love Sloth!” she said. “He’s cracks me up.”
The most shocking part of the Goonies, though, was Sloth’s mother. “Why is she so grumpy? Doesn’t she love her Sloth? How could you not love him?” Piper asked. She was genuinely angry that Sloth, her new best friend, was mistreated by his family and especially by his own mom. “But how come she got kids if she’s so mean?”
“Maybe she’s not really that mean, P. She’s one of the bad guys, you know. Maybe it’s just for the movie,” Sissy explained. Piper examined Sissy with suspicion. She was so far into the Goonies that she’d momentarily forgotten that these were actors on a screen. That’s when you know it’s a good movie.
“Sloth’s a good guy,” Piper declared. “He deserves a good mommy. Like me.”
Then Sloth yelled “Heeeyy Youuuuu Guysssss!” and Piper squealed with delight.